


Pranksters

by noo



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Community: st_xi_kink, Developing Relationship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Innuendo, M/M, Non-Sexual Bondage, Not Quite Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Slash, Public Nudity, Starfleet Academy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-05-02
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noo/pseuds/noo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The legendary and epic prank war of 2255-2256 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.</p><p>
  <i>Leonard might not have started it, but he was damn sure gonna finish it.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Year

Leonard should have expected it.

He had already spent most of his youth in college and was well versed in pranking, more often being the giver than the receiver. Jim was a newbie to college life, even if this was a Military Academy and not a University, so there were a few more rules and regulations, but there had always been a hint of mischief in Jim’s eyes that should have warned Leonard well and good.

Leonard might not have started it, but he was damn sure gonna finish it.

  


\-- 1 --

  


By the seventeenth message left on his PADD and the fourth call in two days, Leonard’s temper was well and truly riled.

Leonard gritted his teeth as he listened to the request. His tone could only be described as terse as he replied to the anonymous person on the end of the line.

"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer! You have called the wrong number, ma'am."

Leonard glanced over at Jim, who had stopped to wait when Leonard took the call as they were walking from Archer to Tucker Hall. 

He took in Jim's attempt at affecting an innocent expression.

"Damn it, Jim. You’ll get yours."

With that, Leonard was striding away to his next class, already planning his revenge.

  


\-- 2 --

  


Leonard had tracked down all the ads which Jim had placed. A little turnabout was his plan, but it hadn't worked quite as he intended.

"Kirk's Plumbing, where we will service your pipes all hours of the day and night!" Jim announced happily when he answered his PADD.

How was he to know Jim had worked as an apprentice plumber during his misspent youth?

Leonard just glared at the unrepentant grin on Jim's face.

There was one plus though, Jim had been generous at the bar lately with his new-found earnings.

A failed prank was still a failed prank, so Leonard turned his mind to winning the next round. Jim might have turned the tables on him, but from what he knew of his new roommate so far, Jim didn't like to concede. In this, they were well matched.

  


\-- 3 --

  


It was a few weeks later before he unleashed his next prank.

His Xenobio Professor was always eager to finish her classes a little early on Fridays, while Jim's Advanced Tactics course always ran over time, well into the lunch hour. Leonard hadn’t heard Jim complain about the overrun like he had for a couple of other classes and it made him suspect it was Jim’s fault, with all the questioning he was likely doing. Leonard made sure he got to the Mess Hall early that day and swiped a salt shaker off the table, before heading to the nearest restroom to make the necessary adjustments undisturbed.

He placed the salt shaker carefully into his case and headed back into the Mess Hall, making sure to keep away from others so they couldn't jostle him. He picked up lunch for himself and Jim and headed back to their table, both trays balanced carefully, one in each hand, ambidextrous ability a useful side effect from his surgical training.

It should have been strange that people already had their own little tables picked out. No one would sit at a table different from what was now their ‘normal’ preferred spot. All of the cadets seemed to know each other’s preferences, it was just one of those little clique things which seemed to happen when people spend a lot of time in each others pockets.

He put the trays down and carefully removed the case from under his arm, taking even more care at opening it than he had carrying it, in case the lemon juice and baking soda inside had already started to combine. The salt shaker was sitting in there benignly so he carefully took it out, closed the case and placed the it on the table before sitting down and waiting for Jim to arrive.

"Bones!" Jim exclaimed as he slapped him on the shoulder a few minutes later. "Potatoes? Good man! Although this serving looks a little stingy, might have to go back for seconds."

Jim slid into the chair next to him and picked up the salt shaker. Leonard ignored the new nickname and surreptitiously angled his tray away from Jim.

"Don't you always, Jim?" Leonard murmured as he watched Jim give one normal shake and when that didn't work, he put more arm work into it.

On the third shake, the top exploded off the salt shaker and a shower of foam coated Jim's meal and most of his cadet reds.

At the look of consternation on Jim's face, Leonard smiled.

"Well, Jim-Boy, I think you were right. Seconds is definitely in the cards." Leonard speared a piece of carrot and popped it into his mouth, resolutely ignoring the raised chatter around them, taking satisfaction in the crunch the carrot made as he chewed.

Jim's natural disposition took over and he grinned.

"Good one, Bones. Score two to you." Jim picked up his tray and, ignoring the wet patches on his uniform, heading over to dispose of the still foaming food and salt shaker.

Leonard smiled in response to Jim conceding the prank and how he was responding to the game. From the few months they had lived together, Leonard had learned that Jim’s natural disposition was a fairly happy one and he wasn’t quite what others thought of him. Leonard knew that Jim would come back with a good response, so he was prepared to be on his guard.

  


\-- 4 --

  


It was over a month since the foam incident and Bones, while seemingly not entirely complacent, had dropped his guard enough for Jim to observe and strike back.

Their barracks had a shared bathroom facility, the joys of being first year cadets, and Bones was fond of showering at night, while Jim was more a morning person.

While Bones was showering, Jim snuck into the room and removed his clothes. It took a couple of trips and some careful planning and watching to ensure he was unobserved. The hardest part was stealing his towel. Luckily Bones had had a hard shift and was taking his time under the hot water, which was steaming up the room nicely to assist Jim. He couldn't hide the clothes back in their room, as Bones would be able to find them, so he had to think of an alternative where Bones wouldn’t. There was a room in the basement which had pipes running along the ceiling and was just too perfect for his plan. Over the top of them the clothes went and Jim rushed back to their room to wait for the fireworks.

First there was the whooshing of other cadets’ doors opening and not closing, and then the raised chatter of voices. Jim stayed leaning back on his bed, PADD resting on his knees, focusing on the PADD and not the disturbance out in the corridor. 

As the door to their room opened, he glanced up, face as neutral as he could make it.

His expression didn't stay as neutral as he would have wished as Bones walked into the room in his normal loping, casual style, but completely naked. Bare-assed naked.

Jim could see other cadets out in the hallway watching his roommate walk about, seemingly unconcerned with his state of undress. His hair was still soaked and water droplets running down his body, his very well toned body which he hid daily under the regulation clothes they all had to wear now. The door closed on the curious and Bones walked over to his drawers and pulled out a new towel.

Not a word was spoken between them. Bones continued to ignore him while he dried himself off, then once it was completed to his satisfaction he pulled on some underwear. Bones hung his towel up to dry and slipped into his bed before reaching for his own PADD.

They both studied in silence. Eventually, Bones put down the PADD and settled in for sleep. Jim took the hint and put his own down, undressed and got under his covers.

As the lights were turned off, Bones turned on his side, his back to Jim.

"I better find my clothes, laundered and back where they belong tomorrow," Bones said. "That was my favorite towel too."

Jim didn't respond, but he was making sure to keep his mouth shut and not show his astonishment at Bones’ overall response. His roommates' complete comfort in his nakedness almost turned this one back in Bones' favor and made Jim wonder what Bones would retaliate with.

  


\-- 5 --

  


Leonard retaliated with a little bit of help from some of his fellow medical track cadets.

Jim was out attempting to chase that fine piece of fierceness named Uhura and normally Leonard would love to sit back and watch Jim get his ass handed to him, but this time it was out of his line of sight. Jim had tracked her down to the Xenolinguistic club and had joined up himself. Tonight was one of their first social gatherings and Jim had taken extra care in order to look his best. It had greatly amused Leonard to watch Jim fuss but he himself had his own plans for the night.

It was nice to finally be getting back into civvies and hanging out and relaxing with his fellows, even if most of them wouldn't be able to find an Andorian's second antenna with both hands, let alone their find own ass.

He leaned back in contemplation of the bar before him. Some of the cadets would make adequate medical staff and some would be downright useless, but hopefully weeded out before the end of this first year. He heard, above the beat of the music being blasted at a level just shy of ear splitting, the words "Kirk" and "foaming" which was then closely followed by "buck naked".

He turned toward the voices to find Jenks and Cameron, two of the better cadets pointing in his direction. He raised an eyebrow at them, then raised his bottle of beer before bringing it back and taking a long pull. It was the end of semester, with no curfew for once, so he was making the most of the freedom.

"We hear tell you and that cocky roommate of yours have a little prank war going on." Jenks seemed to be the one nominated to break the ice.

Leonard looked at both of them with an assessing gaze. "Possibly," he admitted before he took another swig of the beer.

"Did you really walk buck naked three times around Tucker Hall after he stole your clothes?" Cameron seemed a little eager to ask that question.

"Nope," Leonard replied.

At the deflated "oh" from Cameron, an idea started to form in his head.

"Just from the showers back to the room is all. Don't think Jim quite expected that. Probably thought I was gonna go all Southern belle on him and get _missish_." Leonard noted the slight perk up from Jenks at the mention of ‘Southern belle’. She had a good hint of Kentucky in her own drawl and Leonard remembered the scuttlebutt that she was a bit of a computer whizz and up for a bit of a dare.

"Say, Jenks, can you call a number and have them not able to trace it back to you?" he asked.

"Sure, I can set up a simple re-router, as long as the calls aren't too long in duration. The longer you are on, the more likely they might be able to track it back, if they were a certified computer genius and had a Decius F-10 and a Halo tracer at their disposal," she replied.

Leonard pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tossed it on the table. "Can you make it seem that phone has a new number now?"

"What you got planned?" Jenks asked, a sly smile turning up the edges of her mouth.

"Well, I had a few things planned for that cocky little roommate of mine, but with all these people here tonight, I reckon they might be able to help me out with the next stage of our war." Leonard smiled at her and leaned his elbows on the slightly sticky table.

"How so?" Cameron piped up from beside him.

"Just a little bit of harmless fun. We call him, ask for someone else, say an 'Elroy Jennings' and ask to leave a message. First couple of times he should say we have the wrong number but then he will keep getting the calls every couple of minutes or so. Can't call him too often though, 'cause he will then just be contrary and not answer after a while. Even better if we start quoting his number at him.” Leonard noted the small nods they were both giving as he laid out the plan.

“Then at the end of the night place one more call, say we are 'Elroy Jennings' and do they have any messages for us. Simple but annoying. I think a few people in here might like to annoy one James T. Kirk, don't you?" Leonard looked at both their wide smiles and knew they were in.

Cameron picked up his phone, tossed it at Jenks and slid out of the booth. "You fix that up and I'll go round up some volunteers, voices he probably won't recognize too easily. Might have to make some calls from outside and some from in here too, just to mix things up."

Leonard saluted her with his beer bottle and sat back in the well worn booth seat to enjoy the show which was about to start. "I knew I liked you two. You both weren't that incompetent during the Traxian sim like the rest of them."

"I do declare, Leonard, that just might have been a compliment out of your mouth? Will wonders never cease?" Jenks laid on her accent a bit thicker and batted her eyelashes at him.

He chuckled deeply at her act. "Maybe, but don't expect it too often."

She smiled and went to work on his phone.

With so many people involved he knew word would eventually get back to Jim that he had been behind it, but their pranks were really not about hiding from each other in the end. He thought the news would probably find its way to Jim's ears, even as soon as tomorrow. Medical staff were notorious gossips and with the number of people involved tonight, there was no way it was going to be kept quiet. Everyone seemed to be having great fun with such a simple thing as just calling, asking for the wrong person but quoting the right number at them.

As it neared 2 AM, Leonard decided it was his turn. He bid farewell to the others, thanked Jenks for her assistance with a kiss on her cheek and discovered that when she had a few, she got a little handsy. They made a time for him to meet up with her tomorrow and adjust his phone back to normal. She was a fine looking woman and clever to boot but he wasn't inclined to piss in his own pond at the moment, maybe.

He walked slowly and carefully back toward the Academy, pulling his collar up tight around his neck. The famous San Francisco fog seemed to be settling in nicely, giving everything a misty quality as he walked. He pulled out his phone to make the final call. Dropping his voice a few octaves and installing more of a drawl than normal, he announced to Jim, when he grumpily answered the call, that he was 'Elroy Jennings' and asked if there were any messages for himself? The groan from Jim had him smiling like his Great Aunt Enid when she got her hands on a juicy piece of gossip which no one else had heard of yet.

"Look, man, I don't know what is up, but my name is Jim and I'm a cadet at Starfleet. This isn't an answering service. Maybe you might want to check the number of your service?" Leonard could tell there was a little bit of petulant frustration in Jim's voice, he had to hold back his desire to laugh while he apologized with as many down home boy-isms as he could muster and then hang up.

The sight of Jim, arm across his eyes and not asleep when he entered their room had him smiling.

"Bad night, Jim?" he asked.

"Don't start, Bones," Jim mumbled. "Some idiot gave out my number as his personal answering service. Every damn time I got close to Uhura it would ring. It was like they all had a sixth sense. I got cock-blocked by a phone!"

"Jim, I am damn sure if the phone hadn't rung, you still would have gotten cock-blocked," Leonard announced as he pulled off his boots. The thud on the floor when they landed made both of them wince.

"You doubt me?" Jim was now sitting up and facing him.

"Nope, just watched that fine Miss Uhura deal with you before."

Jim waved one hand in the air. "Whatever. What about you? There’s a smile on your face. Don't tell me you got some?"

"Unlike you Jim, I don't kiss and tell." Leonard pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tossed it in the air before re-catching it and putting it off to the side.

"Just kisses, Bones? I'm disappointed." Jim was now leaning forward, his chin resting in his hands.

"Kid, you ain't been doing things right if you call them 'just kisses'. Now I might have a date tomorrow with a nice, devious little lady about a phone, so I need my beauty sleep. Get your ass back in that bed and shut your mouth so I can sleep." 

Leonard pulled off his jeans, letting them just drop to the floor. He left his vest on and slid into the cool sheets before telling the lights to turn off, a smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep, pointedly ignoring Jim.

  


\-- 6 --

  


"Jim!" Leonard yelled as he stomped down the corridor of the barracks.

Doors opened behind him and heads poked out to see what was going on. The curious had come out to watch the entertainment.

"Jim!" Leonard yelled again as he reached his own door. He bashed in the entry code. His fingers were not gentle and if the wall could feel, it would be feeling Leonard's displeasure quite strongly. The door opened quickly and he stalked into his shared dorm room.

The curious had to walk out of their rooms and clustered around the now closed door, in order to find out why the doctor was angrier than normal.

What they couldn't see was the pursed lips and angry glare on the doctor's face as he took in the nonchalant attitude of his room mate. His roommate who was fussing with his hair as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

"What's up, Bones?" Jim asked, smiling at the glare he was receiving.

"Going somewhere, Jim?" Leonard responded.

"Yep, got a Xenolinguistic club meeting. I'm angling for treasurer at the next election, can't be tardy."

"Too bad. You ain't going nowhere," Leonard announced, arms folded across his chest which brought his PADD up to the notice of Jim.

"You gonna stop me?" Jim asked, one of his heavy eyebrows lifting in curiosity at the anger emanating from his friend. Jim leaned back against the small bench under the mirror, resting a hip on it as he crossed his own arms.

"Kid, I know you think you know all about fighting, but just you remember I got me a whole lot of medical training which can do you a world of harm. Hippocrates can just go take a long walk off a short pier." Leonard tossed his PADD toward Jim who caught it, a considering look on his face as he continued to watch Leonard. "Now if you want to be sharing a room with some young, stupid idiot next year, you go right ahead and not fix what you did to my PADD. But if you want to keep this little arrangement going, I need to pass my classes, fix the Goddamn PADD so it doesn't keep asking me ‘ _What The Fuck Would Jim Do_ ’!"

Jim laughed. "Bones, I can fix it when I get back."

"No, you’ll fix it, now! I need to send my paper off and the stupid electronic dingbat of a piece of machinery won't do so 'cause you told it not to!"

"I did not!" Jim pouted.

"Oh so help me God! If I say it won't send, it won't send. Now, fix it," Leonard hissed at Jim. As he spoke he had stalked across the room to stand toe to toe with Jim.

Jim furrowed his brow in confusion and looked at the PADD.

"Aw shit," Jim said as he cycled through the menu. "Sorry, Bones it was only supposed to show up on some minor commands, but this communique you got here had a virus attached to it which put a bit of a bug in the system."

Jim moved away from Leonard to sit at his desk and started tapping commands into the PADD.

"I'll boost up your firewall. You would think Starfleet would have better protection," Jim complained as he worked.

Leonard stood in silence, Jim was honestly apologetic and he was fixing the problem. His anger, like always, which was quick to flare, had dropped away. It left him with the knowledge that there was more to Jim than most saw on first glance.

Jim handed the PADD back. "There, should be all okay now. Wanna try and send the paper?"

Leonard took his PADD and cycled to his saved messages. No longer did the PADD ask him at certain commands, "WWJD?". He checked that the paper was attached correctly and sent it.

"Sorry Bones, won't happen again," Jim said as he stepped past him, slapping him on the shoulder on his way to the door. "Catch you later."

"Damn straight it won't," Leonard muttered toward the now closed door. "Just you wait, James Tiberius Kirk. The next one is going to be good."

  


\-- 7 --

  


Leonard bided his time. He let it go until he had the perfect opportunity--which came at the end of their first year.

Both of them had worked hard with a bigger load than most other cadets. Jim was determined to finish in three years and while Leonard had originally thought he was insane, he quickly discovered it wasn't the case. He himself wasn't one to sit around idly either, and if Jim was going to do it in three, then Bones was determined to match him. He had an advantage in already being a doctor, which gave him a chance to concentrate more on the command track.

They were one of the few cadets left in the Academy over the break. Leonard had a little time before he was returning to Georgia to see his daughter, he didn't think of it as home anymore. He wasn't quite sure where that was now. Starfleet gave him some respectability with the court, even if his ex didn't seem to think so.

Jim hadn't said anything but Leonard got the feeling his situation was similar, minus the ex and the kid.

They’d planned a nice dinner with just the two of them in the room. No hospital, no classes, and a little surprise for Jim. Leonard knew it would be trouble to leave that brain of Jim Kirk's to plan while he was away, but it was too good an opportunity to leave alone.

Dinner was being eaten, takeaway from one of their favorite places and to top it off, a nice bottle of red. Their little present to each other. Spirits and beer were all well and good but there was a time and a place for a fine wine. It would be a shame to taint it with the dye, but really, Jim had it coming.

When Jim left to relieve himself after the meal, Leonard took the opportunity he had been waiting for, and placed a few drops of Rifampin into Jim's half full glass.

When Jim came back, they laughed and reminisced about their first year and Leonard made sure to nurse his wine. He took the opportunity to savor the fine Cabernet Sauvignon from Chateau Montelena. They had bought it when they took themselves off to the Napa Valley for a little weekend leave during the last semester, on one of their few available break times. Jim had really liked the winery, had spent a long time in the old building made to look a bit like a castle. Bones had laughed and finally dragged him away to taste some wine and expand his horizons.

Just as Leonard expected, Jim needed to go to the toilet again. The man could drink but once the seal was broken, the seal was broken good.

This time Leonard joined him, knowing there would be a reaction. There was teasing about Leonard being a girl and having to go to the toilet with someone else. It was still a mystery to the both of them as to why females needed to do that. It wasn't confined to humans either, other females of different species seemed to have the same need to go to the toilet together. Such was their conversation as they stood at their separate urinals and Leonard waited for the reaction.

"Fuck!"

Yep, there it was.

"Hmm, Jim?" Leonard calmly asked.

"Um, my, um," Jim was waving toward the urinal as he spoke.

Leonard calmly leaned over to see what Jim was waving at.

"Yes, it isn't supposed to be that color," Leonard informed him before straightening up and calmly looking ahead.

"Bones, I'm pissing blood!" Jim said in horror, as he twitched up and down on his feet.

"No you ain't," Leonard replied.

"It's red! It's blood! You are a crap doctor!" Jim was getting more agitated with each statement.

"I'm a damn fine doctor, it isn't blood and yep it is red. _I_ expected it to be red," Leonard said as he shook himself off and stepped away from his own urinal, tucking himself back into his pants.

He walked over to the basins as he watched Jim's expression in the mirror. Jim had twisted his head to watch him, realization slowly dawning.

"You fucker! What did you do?" Jim accused.

"Just a little something in the wine, a safe biological stain, and boy was it a temptation to not put anything in there. It’s a damn fine wine and I did feel mighty sad tainting it. I only put a few drops in, you will be fine. It will clear up by morning."

Jim had finally finished pissing red and had flushed away the reminder of Leonard messing with his bodily function. He was contemplating Leonard as he finished tucking himself away.

"You know we could finish this here and now. Call an end to it. We are even, call it a draw," Leonard offered.

"You are a devious asshole. I don't do draws," Jim announced as he walked across the room.

"Well that's something you might need to work on," Leonard said as he watched Jim wash his hands.

Jim's eyes met his in the mirror.

"You don't do them either, do you?" Jim asked.

"Nope," Leonard replied as he stepped away and headed toward the door, watching over his shoulder for Jim’s reaction.

"Man, this oughta prove interesting then," Jim said as he smiled and followed Leonard.


	2. Second Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The legendary and epic prank war of 2256-2257 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.

  


\-- 8 --

(Second year)

  


Bones hated the Statistical Analysis classes they had to take. All those dry numbers and making decisions based upon the best statistical probability outcome was not his idea of a proper medical diagnosis. Some doctors could work that way, but his experience was that there was more than one way to skin a cat, so there was definitely more than one answer to any symptoms a patient might show up with. He _had_ to take the damn class though. The only plus was that Jim was in the class with him and the Academy had the politest computer terminals ever.

Every so often, there was a need for the systems to be taken offline in order to install new patches or boost up the security firewalls. Half way through the class, he got the warning, _Terminal going down_. So he sat back to wait and then glanced around the room.

Nobody else was sitting and waiting. They were all still working.

He leaned over to look at Jim's terminal, still fully functioning.

"You aren't down?" he asked.

Jim looked at him with a smirk on his face. "I'm down with many things, what would you like me to be down with?"

"Idiot," Bones muttered under his breath. "Stop being literal. Your terminal didn't go down?"

"Cadet McCoy, we have chatter because?" A voice interrupted the _sotto voce_ conversation between Jim and Bones. Being called McCoy now caused him to do a little double take lately. Jim’s nickname had seemed to wend it’s way into his subconscious, so much that he had started to think of himself as ‘Bones’ now as well. One more thing to lay at Jim’s door.

"My apologies, ma'am, but it appears that my terminal has gone down but the others have not," he replied to the instructor, who had brought all eyes on the room to him with her question.

She walked away from where she had been helping another cadet in order to see to his machine.

Jim had stopped his work and was watching Lieutenant Rao puzzle over Bones' terminal.

"Bones, did you make it sick?" Jim whispered to him when Rao headed over to call computing services and see if there was a scheduled down time.

"Shut it, Jim," Bones whispered back before kicking him in the shin.

"Ow!" Jim protested. "Totally weird it was just your machine, maybe it got sick of you telling it how stupid it is?" Jim continued.

Bones just glared at him and turned back to stare at the black screen in front of him, aware that most eyes in the class were still on him.

Jim gave up teasing and, with a snicker and a departing, "You hurt its feelings, Bones," he spun his chair back to his own terminal and went back to work.

For ten minutes, Rao called all the systems managers she could get a hold of and none had a scheduled downtime on their roster for the day. All the connections were checked and nothing was out of place.

She pursed her lips as her foot tapped on the ground, her dark brown eyes narrowed as she contemplated the black screen and then Bones. She opened her mouth to speak and then snapped it shut when a message appeared on the screen.

_Terminal re-engaging._

Bones looked at her in shock. Jim had stopped his work again, had probably finished already, the fast asshole, Bones thought.

 _Automatic login in effect, status at crash resumed,_ appeared on the screen.

"Well, don't that beat all," Bones said as the exact point he was working on came back on the screen.

"Cadet Kirk, assist Cadet McCoy," Rao ordered as she walked away, shaking her head.

Jim rolled his chair over to Bones with a little too much force and they bumped into each other. Bones had seconds to get his hands off the armrest when he realized what Jim was up to.

"Jim!" Bones glared at him.

"No wonder your computer needed a break if you glare at it half as much as you glare at me."

Bones humphed but did not reply and went back to work. He and Jim worked together mostly in silence, with a few corrections from Jim. But overall he received approving noises for the choices he was making in response to the assignment set.

At the end of the class, Bones sent the finished assignment off to Lieutenant Rao and then powered down the machine.

Jim had exited quickly, as he had ‘Hand to Hand’ class next and had to get changed prior to it.

Bones was shaking his head at the terminal and the way it had caused all eyes in the class to focus on him when a message appeared on the screen.

_Bones, next time try catching flies with honey and not vinegar_

It was up only briefly before it disappeared.

"It is so on," Bones declared at the now blank terminal screen.

He left the room, determined it was time for a bit of a reply to Jim, a nice sticky reply. Literally.

  


\-- 9 --

  


It was Bones' turn to sneak into the bathroom.

Their second year at the Academy had seen them gain a nice room with its own full bathroom access, a reward of their results from the previous year and the extra activities they had undertaken.

Jim was singing away while in the shower that morning. Bones walked in with a little container in his hands, he opened the door to the shower cubicle and waited for Jim to turn toward him.

The cool air flowing around his body must have registered and Jim finally turned around. There was a little look of consternation on his face and then his eyes widened in shock as Bones threw what was concealed in his hand toward him. Jim went to jump back and out of the way but there was a small problem of a wall and two glass panels on either side of him. He had nowhere to go to escape from Bones and the little pale flecks which were now sticking to his body. Bones managed to hit him with three good tosses of the stuff before he retreated out of the bathroom, laughing his head off at Jim's surprised look.

"What the fuck, Bones?" Jim yelled at him.

Bones could hear him scrubbing away.

"Didn't want you to miss breakfast this morning. I got you oatmeal," he answered, leaning against the wall separating the bathroom from their room.

"Oatmeal?" Jim sounded as surprised as his face had looked. This sent Bones off into laughter again.

"Yep, oatmeal. It sure does get sticky with water, don't it?" Bones told him.

"Fuck! Bones! You threw it at my dick!"

"Nope, threw it where you have body hair. Lovely little trick of instant oatmeal, with water and body hair it gets _very_ attached. Keep rubbing away Jim, it ain't coming off easy." Bones snorted and slapped his hands on his thighs as he bent over to laugh.

He risked sticking his head back into the bathroom when there were no further insults coming from Jim for a piece.

The door to the cubicle was still as open as he had left it, water was pooling on the floor and there was a strong smell of what he realized was Jim's favored gel of the moment.

Jim seemed to have a sixth sense to know Bones was looking in, as his own head appeared around the corner of the shower cubicle.

"Bones, you been watching me naked? Hmm?"

"Jim, I would have to be blind and deaf not to notice you wandering around our room as naked as the day you were born. Now stop your scrubbing, they ain't coming off until they dry off," Bones informed him.

Jim looked back at himself, before sighing and looking up again at Bones.

"I really need to get you laid," Jim told him.

Bones' response was a sigh as he turned back to survey their room and shake his head at his friend. The comment wasn't a new one and he knew better than to reply.

"Was that a yes?" Jim yelled, sounding louder now that he had turned the water off.

Bones kept walking and opened the door to their room, but not before he heard Jim yell again.

"Well? Was it a yes? I think it was!"

  


\-- 10 --

  


Jim was true to his word.

The only times he saw Bones smile lately was when he successfully pulled off a prank or got an opportunity to chat with his daughter. When he lightened up, he acted closer to his true age. Jim didn't understand Bones' need to act like he was middle-aged or older. He liked having Bones as a room mate, as he was a little more sober in his outlook but didn't try and tell him what to do. Well, most of the time anyway.

So he wanted to try and put a smile back on Bones’ face and thought one of the easiest ways would be something which often made Jim smile. Sex.

Trying to get him to chat up girls in bars hadn't worked once over the past year. He seemed to be a little more receptive when he was initially approached but not once had Jim observed him taking those ladies up on their 'kind offers'. He mentioned a date once, but Jim wasn’t so sure about it actually occurring. Bones had alluded to catching up with a few of his fellow cadets at other times, when Jim wasn't around, so Jim put two and two together and came up with his latest plan.

It was just a few harmless little string arrays inserted into Bones' terminal log in, all hidden very nicely so no one could trace them. Jim had done his homework and certain hand-picked users started getting messages from Bones.

The first girl to approach Bones, Sarah, had Jim almost jumping up and down in glee when it seemed she was getting the 'ole country doctor' routine. They had a nice chat, it appeared to Jim, for a good couple of minutes before she was heading off back to her own group, with an airy wave goodbye to Bones.

A few days passed and there was no more Sarah sightings, so Jim moved onto his next choice.

After six other girls approached Bones, four smiles, no dates and two slaps later, Jim decided to try a different tack.

Bones excused himself from his chat with Tony, and walked straight toward Jim.

Before Jim could react, Bones had grabbed him by the arm, pulled him up and out of the chair and was propelling him out of the room.

"Bones!" Jim protested.

"Shut it, Jim," Bones growled out. "You and I are gonna have a little talk when we get back to our room, until then keep your dang fool mouth shut for once."

The growled delivery and the pressure on his arm was enough for Jim to obey. He kept quiet until they entered their room. Bones let him go with a little shove to force him further inside. When he spun around, it was to see Bones running a hand through his hair, messing up the style of the thick locks which he spent considerable time on taming each morning.

"Goddammit, Jim!" Bones finally said. "Didn't it cross ya mind that maybe I was happy? That if I wanted some tail I didn't need you to fix me up?"

"C'mon Bones, it's all just a bit of fun," Jim cajoled.

"I am capable of organizing my own fun and unlike you I don't need to advertise it from Archer Hall to the Castro!" Bones said as he poked Jim in the chest. "Look, you infant, just stop those messages coming from me," Bones continued, his tone more resigned. "If and when I want to get laid, I can pick and choose on my own, thank you very much."

"Aw c'mon, man, I was just trying to help you out. I just... well, you know," Jim shrugged, tossing a look at Bones from through his lashes.

Bones sighed, "Yeah, I know. Now let me do my own a-courtin, 'kay?" Bones pushed Jim's head affectionately with his hand.

Jim smiled at him, the little wry and sneaky twist up at the corners which he seemed to reserve just for Bones. "Sure," he drawled, attempting to mimic Bones' accent.

Bones laughed and shook his head.

"We good?" Jim asked.

Bones smiled at him, one of those honest to goodness smiles which had him crinkling his eyes up.

"Nope," Bones replied, the grin even bigger on his face as he spoke.

"Cool," Jim said as he turned to walk over to his bed and then he stopped dead, realizing what Bones had said.

"Hang on, what do you mean nope? You smiled!" Jim protested, pointing an accusing finger at Bones.

Bones stalked across the room so he was standing right in front of Jim again, the smile still on his face. He leaned in close to whisper into Jim's ear.

"Don't get me started on how you hacking into _my_ account is an invasion of _my_ privacy. Your intention was good for a measure of Jim Kirk intentions but this ain't finished, boy-o. You'll get yours. That's why I'm smiling." Bones tilted his head to the side so all Jim could see was his hazel eyes and the mesmerizing ring of dark green.

They stared at each other before Bones, still with that smile on his face, stepped back and turned on his heels leaving the room and a very confused Jim Kirk behind.

  


\-- 11 --

  


Jim definitely got his.

Bones took great delight in watching Jim tug his uniform sleeves down to try and cover up the pretty color his body now was, in various stripes all over.

Jim _had_ had a hand with his own 'decoration'. Bones knew that no matter the temperature, Jim was one to always pull the covers over him. It had also helped that Jim was away on a training sim and it had been uncommonly warm for days. Bones had provided a little service to Harry in Maintenance to ensure the temperature in their room was regulated at a point which Bones was perfectly comfortable with but he knew Jim couldn't stand. It was a regular sweat box that evening and the kool-aid did its work. Jim woke up all stripey and Bones just hadn't been able to keep a straight face all day.

"Aww, something marring that pretty pale skin of yours, Jim? Not like you to try and hide away there," Bones murmured into Jim's ear as he followed him down the steps after their second to last class of the day.

Jim stopped and glared over his shoulder back at Bones, seemingly not happy with Bones’ expression. He knew he was enjoying this a little too much but he couldn’t help his smile.

"Just think of it as a...tan," Bones teased, knowing that Jim was a little sensitive about his ability to turn red at the slightest hint of sun.

Bones just chuckled at Jim's glare and walked past him. If he whistled, well it just served Jim right and if he ignored Jim’s yelling, he had plenty of experience at that already.

  


\-- 12 --

  


"Dr. McCoy, I have some messages for you." The ward clerk on duty handed over some slips of paper.

In fact, there were a large number of them. As he flicked through them on the way to the break room he discovered that many contained more than one message per slip.

Bones was so absorbed in pondering why he had so many messages that he didn't notice the nurse who was coming his way. They collided into each other due to their distractions. The PADD the nurse was holding clattered to the ground. Bones bent over at the same time as the nurse and they nearly collided heads as they both went to pick up the PADD.

"Sorry," Bones said when he straightened up. He offered a hand for the nurse to use to stand up again.

He smiled at Bones and stood on his own, holding the PADD in close to his chest like a prized gift.

"It's okay, neither of us were looking where we were going, doctor. I need to..." Here the nurse motioned toward the desk and Bones nodded and turned away to head to the break room. Off to find out what property he seemed to have lost which all these people were so willing to return.

  


***

  


Bones stalked into his dorm room. He had just finished a late shift, but despite the hour, he didn't keep the noise down as he normally would have. Jim still had the lights on low and was reading as he lounged in his bed, back propped up against the headboard.

Bones pulled off his jacket and his shirt, and slipped off his boots and socks. Clad only in his pants he walked over to his bed to grab his boxers and vest from under the pillow. Before heading into the bathroom, he diverted his path so it brought him closer to Jim. Close enough so he could quickly reach out and smack Jim upside the head as he walked past.

"Hey!" Jim yelled at his back. "What was that for?"

Bones dumped his clothes on the toilet seat and shucked his pants. He was just turning on the water to the shower when Jim appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.

"What was that for, Bones?"

Bones continued to ignore him as he stepped into the shower, turning his face up to the warm spray.

"Bones!" Jim said again and his tone told Bones he wasn't going to let this go.

"Oh I don't know. Think, Jim, I am sure you can come up with at least five valid reasons for this week alone," Bones retorted as he squirted some shower gel into his hand.

He could see through the frosted glass that Jim had sat down on the toilet seat. He wondered if Jim had moved his clothes off it or not. Knowing Jim, probably not. Bones went back to using the shower gel on his body and rolling his shoulders to work out some of the tension which his shift had caused.

"You always have something specific in mind when you smack me upside the head, so spill," Jim said.

" _Twilight_ , Jim? What hell is that and why do I need it for my dissertation?" was Bones' response.

Jim laughed.

"Well, you know the old book store on Valencia?"

"Yeah," Bones was half listening as he shampooed his hair.

"They were tossing out all these old books from the 21st century and so I asked if I could have 'em. Honestly, I am normally against book burning but yeah, those books...well, I put them to a better use."

Even from inside the shower cubicle, Bones was able to easily imagine the grin on Jim's face.

Bones sighed as he contemplated Jim's latest prank. Like all their other pranks, they had steered clear of involving others too much. They were all mostly minor inconveniences and while this one had been a right pain in the ass to deal with, he had figured out pretty quickly it was all Jim's fault he had ignored the rest of the messages.

Bones turned off the water and dried himself in the small space, before wrapping the towel around his waist and stepping out of the cubicle.

Sure enough, Jim was sitting on his clothes. Bones raised an eyebrow and Jim managed to pull Bones’ clothes out from underneath him, while chuckling at his expression.

As Bones pulled the vest on he turned his head to look at Jim.

"Jim, how many of those books did you put my name in and say I needed it returned for a reward?" Bones dropped the towel and pulled on his boxers.

Jim's eyes lifted up to Bones' face. "Dunno, man. A few," Jim shrugged.

Bones picked up his toothbrush and turned back to the basin to brush his teeth. He discovered that shaking his head at Jim's statement while attempting to brush his teeth wasn't the brightest idea he had ever had. It also caused Jim to laugh at him some more.

He finished up his teeth and hung his towel over the rail to dry.

"Well, we finished counting after the twentieth message, so I hope there ain't any more. The poor ward clerk had to keep answering the damn fool phone all night. If there are any more it _will_ go badly for you next time," Bones warned before he walked out of the bathroom and ordered the lights off.

Bones chuckled quietly to himself at Jim’s protest at being left in the dark.

  


\-- 13 --

  


It was the end of another term and time for exams, a time of stressing and a general feeling of worthlessness which most students go through. Jim had finished his exams before Bones had. He had one to go and Starfleet was very good at mixing up exams so there was limited time to study in between. Bones knew he was going to pretty much have to pull an all-nighter on this one, while Jim slept away snug in the dorm room.

Around 0200, his eyes started to get fuzzy and he needed a short break. He grabbed his phone and wandered out past the front desk. The night air was cool, but not too brisk. He idly flipped through his messages as he wandered in front of the library, trying to clear his head. He noted it had been over 2 hours since he had gotten a message from Jim, who, it seemed, had spent most of his night sending messages to 'help' Bones out.

He smiled slyly as he dialed Jim's number. The man was incredibly attached to his phone and even more attached to answering any and all calls. There was probably some messed up reason from Jim's past to explain it, but Bones was more interested in annoying his friend in return. He knew Jim would wake up and answer the phone.

Sure enough, it didn't take too long.

"'Sup, Bones?" Jim blearily asked.

"Jim, listen very, very carefully, this is important," Bones told him.

Bones could hear the rustle of the sheets as Jim obviously went from 'snoozy-just-awake-Jim' to 'alert-for-important-shit-Jim'. Bones could easily imagine Jim now sitting on the side of his bed, sheets tangled over his middle, legs dangling off the side and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"What? What's important, Bones?" Even Jim's voice was sounding more awake, the dry raspiness of sleep being chased away by concern.

"Go to the toilet, Jim," Bones ordered.

"The toilet? What's in the toilet?" Jim was sounding more confused now.

"You've been drinking tonight, I know, so go to the toilet," Bones replied.

"You called me at o'God o'clock to tell me to go the toilet?" Jim asked incredulously.

"As a physician, you should listen to me, Jim," Bones calmly stated.

"Fuck off, Bones. Go study," Jim replied.

"Go to the toilet, Jim," Bones repeated.

"Yeah, yeah," Jim said and Bones could easily imagine the hand waving in the air which accompanied the patented Jim Kirk, 'I will say yes but not gonna do what you suggest' maneuver.

Jim had hung up on him, so Bones headed back into the Library for more quality time with Andorian biology.

It was another half an hour before Bones glanced toward his phone and smiled. He picked it up and walked outside again, dialing Jim's number as soon as the front doors opened.

"'irk," was the muffled answer which Bones heard when the dial tone stopped.

"Well, 'irkle' I hope you remembered to go to the toilet?" Bones said.

"Ugh," Jim said as Bones heard a slap on the bedding. "Bones, you're a complete bastard!"

"Takes one to know one, Jim," Bones smugly replied.

"Are you gonna do this all night?" Jim asked.

"I could, it is pretty amusing," Bones said.

"Aww, do you miss me, Bones? You call me again and I will get my ass down to the Library to keep you company if that is what you really want." Bones knew the tone of voice just like he knew every placement of every freckle on his own face, he was sure Jim was smirking.

"Nah, go back to sleep, infant," Bones fondly replied. "I won't call anymore. These two were enough. See you tomorrow."

"Laters, Bones," Jim replied, his voice already starting to slip back into the sleepy tones.

"Oh and Jim?" Bones said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you dare repeat this one. You want to best me, original ideas only," Bones warned.

"Pfft," Jim replied. "When did we go and get rules?"

"There's always been rules, Jim. You, like always, are disinclined to follow them."

Jim's eloquent response to Bones' observation was a snort. "Yeah, well, no way are you out-thinking me!"

"We'll see, Jim, we'll see. Experience over brash youth any day."

"Bring it on, old man," Jim declared as he hung up.

Bones laughed at his now silent phone and headed back into the Library, feeling remarkably upbeat for once.

  


\-- 14 --

  


Iowa. Someplace Jim had thought he wouldn't be back to for a while, but here he was. Back in the farmhouse, the tall dark structure which was now showing its age. At least this night he could relax a bit more, as it was just Bones and himself. Winona, and didn't Bones smack him upside his head for calling her that, was out visiting friends. In Bones' presence he would call her Mom, but in his head he preferred to call her Winona.

It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. When the invite came in from her, he wasn't sure what to make of it. A little chat with Bones and he agreed to come, but asked her if he could bring a friend along too. A buffer might be useful, and Jim wasn't excelling in his Tactics class for nothing. Bones didn't initially realize he had agreed to come along until Jim started packing his bag for him.

A tentative truce seemed to exist between him and his mother now. Jim thought that maybe he was finally starting to grow up a bit, although his plans for dinner might prove otherwise.

A proper old fashioned sit down meal they were having, and Jim made sure that Bones realized he was a guest and wasn't allowed to help set the table. Bones could be a real stubborn bastard when he set his mind to things, but Jim was more than a match for him, he was sure.

Table finally set, the old ceramic water jug carefully in place in his hands and a full glass of water in front of his own plate. Jim smiled as he called out for Bones to come into the dining room. As Bones entered the room, Jim carefully put the jug back down on the table near himself, miming it being full.

Jim sat and motioned for Bones to do so as well.

"This looks real good, Jim," Bones said as he sat and leaned forward to smell the aroma wafting off his plate.

"Thanks," Jim replied nonchalantly. "Now, remember you have to clean up before we head into town. That was the deal."

"I dread to think what mess you made in there, but, if this tastes as good as it smells, it might just be worth it," Bones said as he picked up his knife and fork and started to cut into the meat.

"Water, Bones?" Jim asked.

"Sure," Bones agreed once he finished swallowing.

Jim leaned forward to pick up the jug, making sure to hold it carefully as if it was quite full. He leaned across the table to put it down near to Bones.

Bones put down both his knife and fork and reached for the jug with both hands, one going for the handle, the other for the fat belly of the jug. Bones lifted the jug up with sufficient force which he would use for a full jug of water, the only problem was that this one was almost empty.

Bones' arms jerked up in the air, the jug moving with them until it was above his head. The look of complete shock on Bones' face was enough for Jim to lose it. He laughed as he smacked his hands onto the table, causing the cutlery and crockery to rattle. He laughed as Bones' eyes narrowed with anger and then his laughter started to slow down as he noticed those eyes start to crinkle up in the corner as Bones saw the funny side of the prank.

"You are a shit, James Tiberius Kirk," Bones said as he leaned across the table and swiped up Jim's drink before he could register his intent.

"Oh, Man. I wish I had a camera. The sight of your face with your arms and the jug up in the air," Jim snorted as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," Bones said as he sipped from the glass before going back to eating his meal.

The rest of the meal was spent in a comfortable, almost silence. There were a few words now and then about the plans for the evening in town and people Jim would prefer to avoid. As they cleaned up the table, Jim smiled again at the memory of complete surprise on Bones' face. How in that moment, before he remembered he was trying to be an old man, he looked young again. Closer to Jim's age. It was good to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** [Pranksters - Second Year](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/135436.html)  
>  **Beta:** dizilla and aquila_star  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Word Count:** 5,104 (overall 23,216)  
>  **Pairings/Characters:** Kirk, McCoy, OFCs, OMCs  
>  **Warnings:** bad language, innuendo and a whole lot of pranks going on  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, dammit!


	3. Third Year (part a)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The legendary and epic prank war of 2257-2258 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.

\-- 15 --

  


(Third year)

  


Jim was well and truly three sheets to the wind as Bones helped him along the corridor toward their room. A nice night for once, without a curfew, and Jim had wanted to celebrate his ascension to Treasurer of the Xenolinguistic club.

One of them had to stay slightly sober and it was Bones' turn this time, as it was Jim's celebration to be had. So here they were, stumbling down the hall, Jim draped over him and a happy drunken grin on his face as he tried to tell Bones something incredibly important. Bones presumed it was important, but he had no idea in truth, as it was in some language which Jim had decided he currently needed to communicate in.

It took two attempts for the door to their room to release, purely because, on the first try Jim decided to attempt to help and on the second, Bones had to hold him off in order to prevent his 'assistance'.

He pulled Jim into the room with him, ordering the lights to seventy percent as he did so. They made their way around the partition, and Bones managed to direct Jim so he wouldn't stumble over his uniform boots. They were lying on the floor in an almost perfect impression of being in as drunk a state as their owner.

Bones maneuvered Jim so he was facing him, but with his back to his bed. Jim stood there with a dopey smile on his face, pleased with himself and the universe. Bones smiled slightly at his best friend before reaching up to push him on the chest. The force made Jim blink in surprise as he flailed his arms in the air and collapsed back onto his bed in a remarkably un-elegant manner.

"Bones," Jim complained.

"What?" Bones replied as he turned toward his own bed. He toed off his boots, bending forward to lean one hand on his bed for balance.

Bones nearly stumbled back onto Jim's bed as he bolted upright in surprise at the solid smack on his backside. He spun around to glare at Jim, who was grinning at him unrepentantly. Jim was shaking his hand up and down in the air. It appeared he had felt the force of the slap himself. The knowledge didn't make Bones any happier.

"You smacked me!" Bones accused.

"Yup. You bent over," Jim replied.

"Get into bed, Jim," Bones ordered.

"Yup." Jim twisted around so he could pull the sheets down and then, boots and all, started to get under the covers.

"Jim," Bones complained as he put his hands on his hips to glare at Jim.

"What?" Jim asked, blinking innocent-looking eyes at him.

"Get undressed first," Bones explained resignedly .

Jim looked down at himself and blinked a couple of times. "Right," he said as he contemplated his clothing. "Right."

He moved his hands up to undo his shirt, which proved to be rather difficult for him.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Bones mumbled as he slapped Jim's hands away and started to undo it himself. Jim had been trying to undo his shirt through the material and nowhere near the actual buttons.

He helped Jim out of the shirt and then pulled his t-shirt over his head. Next he bent down to help pull off Jim's boots.

"Pants, Jim," Bones said.

Jim looked down at himself and then at Bones who was kneeling at his feet.

"Yup, got 'em!" Jim announced proudly.

Bones rolled his eyes as he dropped the boots onto the floor. "Get 'em off, you can't sleep in 'em," he said.

"Oooh Bones, you do wanna get me nekkid!" Jim leaned forward and almost bashed his head into Bones'.

"Cut it out, infant," Bones said as he pushed Jim backwards again. "I'm not your mother, you can manage the rest without me."

Bones stood up and wandered back over to his bed and started to undress himself. He could hear Jim struggling to undo and remove his pants. He might be inclined to help his buddy out, but Jim got handsy with everyone when he was drunk and one slap on the ass was enough for tonight.

"You know, Bones," Jim panted as he struggled to get his pants off. "With that ass, if you were my mother, I'da have to be Southern."

Bones whirled around to glare at Jim for that statement. The glare was lost on Jim who was looking down in consternation at his pants and underwear all tangled up together and now in his hands. Jim Kirk was sitting on his bed, naked as the day he was born.

"Heaven help me!" Bones proclaimed as he stepped over, grabbed the pants from Jim's hands and dumped them on the floor with all his other clothes. "Get under the damn fool covers and don't make me tie you to the bed!"

"Ooooh kinky," Jim observed as he obeyed Bones and got into his bed. Bones pulled the covers up over him and tucked him in, before stalking back over to his own bed, pulling off the rest of his clothes and getting in. He ordered the lights off once he was settled.

"Bones," Jim said.

"Go to sleep, Jim.”

"Bones," Jim repeated.

"I'm a-warning you, Jim."

"Reckon Uhura gonna be nice to me now?" Jim asked quietly.

"Jim, you could save the whole damn planet and Miss Uhura would still knock you back. You're a glutton for punishment, kid, in that corner," Bones replied as he settled more into his pillow.

"Miss Uhura, Miss Uhura," Jim parroted. "You lay on that ole southern charm and everyone in the Academy wants to get into your pants. Their pants. Pants."

Bones snorted.

"Pfft," Jim replied, "it's the ultimate charm weapon. Even Uhura smiles at you."

"Well, we all can't have the patented Jim Kirk 'annoy everyone until they finally give in method'. Some of us prefer a little finesse."

"I've got fin-essey stuff," Jim replied.

"Sure you do," Bones said.

"I do!" Jim protested. "Come over here and I'll show you."

"Go to sleep, Jim," Bones repeated.

Jim just blew a raspberry in Bones' direction.

"Jim, go to sleep or I will tie you to that bed so you ain't moving until I let you," Bones threatened.

"Do your worst," Jim mumbled into his pillow, his voice already starting to sound sleepy.

"If you're not careful I will," Bones promised.

"Promises, promises," Jim uttered. "Careful Bones, or I might have to come over there and keep you company instead."

"Jim," Bones warned.

"Whatever," Jim mumbled.

Blessedly, it seemed to be the end of the conversation as Jim slid into the deep sleep of the inebriated.

Bones lay in the bed for a while longer, sleep eluding him. He looked over at Jim, all tucked in nice and tight under his covers and he started to get an idea.

***

Bones entered the room quietly, his purchase in his hand. He ordered the lights on at twenty percent and waited to see if Jim would react. There was no movement from Jim, so he walked carefully over to his bed and started to put his plan in motion.

***

Jim woke the next morning to the sound of crunching. He recognized the noise as Bones' god-awful, healthy muesli, which he consumed with relish each and every morning. The sound was so loud that Jim went to lift his hand up to cradle his head. There was a problem. His arm was stuck. He tried his other arm and it was stuck too. He lifted up his head to see that he had been taped to his bed during the night.

"Bones," he yelled and then groaned at the sound reverberating through his head.

His best friend, the asshole very likely to be responsible for the state he found himself in, sauntered around the partition to lean against it as he continued to eat from his bowl. There was a slight smirk on his face as he took in Jim, lying in bed and unable to move.

"Yes, Jim?" he politely asked.

"You did this!" Jim accused.

"Yes, I did," Bones responded, still calmly eating his breakfast.

"Why?" Jim asked angrily.

"Because you told me to," Bones informed him.

Jim looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Last night, Jim. You told me to do my worst in respect to tying you to the bed. Is this bad enough for you?"

"Fucker," Jim insulted him.

Bones just laughed in response.

"Get me outta this," Jim ordered as he started to squirm around in order to try and loosen up the tape.

"Careful, Jim," Bones said to him. "You don't want that tape to slip and come into contact with your skin. It's real sticky and you ain't clothed under the sheets, remember."

Jim stopped as he realized the truth of what Bones was saying. He was completely naked under the sheet and his wriggling had made the sheets move around a bit under the tape.

"Get me outta here, Bones," Jim said.

"Nope," Bones replied as he turned away from Jim and back around the partition.

"Whadda ya mean nope?" Jim yelled after him.

Bones walked back around the other side of the partition so he was standing at the head of Jim's bed. Jim had to tilt his head up at an uncomfortable angle to look at Bones.

"Like I said, nope. Not ready to release you just yet. Might do ya some good to stay put in one place for once," Bones observed.

He helped Jim out by walking over to his own bed and getting on it. He picked up a PADD and started reading off it.

"I do stay put," Jim said.

"Only when you have to 'cause it's a class, otherwise you don't and won't stay put and relax," Bones responded.

"Do not," Jim replied.

"Do not make me come over there," Bones warned.

"Why not?" Jim challenged. "What ya gonna do? You've already taped me to the damn bed so I can't move," Jim complained.

Bones tossed his PADD down and got off his bed, moving toward Jim. Jim watched him warily, a little unsure what to make of the look in Bones' eyes. He watched in shock as Bones crawled onto the bed with him, one knee on either side of Jim's legs and his hands resting just above Jim's shoulders. He was in the gaps between the tape and Jim realized that Bones had planned this very well or, if he didn't plan it at all, then it was a very fortunate accident.

Jim looked up into Bones' eyes, the dark hazel of them glinting in the morning light filled with a form of satisfaction.

"Jim, you really need to learn that you can't better me. You're all taped up and stuck down and I can do anything I want. Anything. And you will just have to take it," Bones said quietly as he stared at Jim.

Jim could hear their breaths as they stared at each other, neither willing to concede until Jim nodded at Bones, letting him know that this round was well and truly Bones'.

"You promise to actually stay still for a day, Jim?" Bones asked.

"Yeah," Jim grudgingly agreed.

"Do you good, kid. Your course load and mine are a bit top heavy. You can normally handle that amount of liquor better than you did last night. I reckon the pace has gotten to both of us, time for a bit of a refresh. Deal?" Bones said to him quietly, his soft drawl getting thicker, the quieter he spoke.

Jim was damn sure he did it on purpose, but he agreed to it anyway. Bones was right, they both had been working insanely hard over the past year and a half. A quiet weekend might just be what they both needed.

Bones got off the bed and moved away to get something out of his side drawer. The bed had dipped as he transferred his weight and Jim exhaled once Bones had left, releasing tension he didn't know he had been keeping inside himself at Bones' presence. The power which Bones had as he knelt over him was something he hadn't really experienced in a long time. Anyone else might have made Jim fight more to get out but there was something about Bones which Jim knew. Bones wouldn't ever willingly hurt him.

Bones cut him loose from the tape and threw his pants at him while complaining, "Put that damn thing away, I don't want to see it hanging about."

Jim just laughed as he pulled on his pants to preserve Bones' modesty.

"Sure you don't, Bones," Jim teased as he did up his pants.

"Watch it kid, there’s more tape from where that lot came from and you do sleep like the dead," Bones warned him.

Jim stuck his tongue out at Bones' back as he walked over toward the trash chute, pulling tape off the sheets as he went.

"I saw that Jim. Now sit your ass down on the bed and relax," Bones said without turning around at all.

Jim threw his hands up in the air. It seemed that Bones had grown eyes in the back of his head now, but he did as he was told and had a nice relaxing weekend with his best friend.

No heavy study, no interruptions, just the two of them enjoying some quiet time.

  


\-- 16 --

  


"Jim!" Bones yelled as he walked toward him from across the quadrangle space.

Jim stopped to wait, ignoring the curious looks from the other cadets who passed by. He also ignored the angry tone from his best friend and the impression of anger which every stride was emanating.

"What is it with you and giving out my phone number to complete strangers, Jim?" Bones hissed as he grabbed Jim's arm and pulled him to walk across the Quad.

" _If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world,_ Bones," Jim quoted at him.

"What the fuck?" Bones responded eloquently.

"Just trying to help a buddy out," Jim smirked at him. "You need to make new friends."

"Yeah, right. First it was a stupid book, now it's 'I left my wallet out the front of their place'. Never knew this city had so many good Samaritans that they would call me back to let me know it isn't there," Bones grumbled.

"Aww, is Bones shocked that people might, 'gasp', actually be nice to him?" Jim batted his eyelashes at Bones as he did his best attempt at an old Southern Belle accent.

Bones finally released Jim's arm. Jim wasn't very happy with the reason why he was let go. It was quickly followed by a swift shove across the back of his shoulder for his little bit of sass toward Bones.

Jim laughed at Bones' put-upon expression.

"Alright, I promise not to prank call other people for you again," Jim said.

"Good." Bones stared at him as they stopped by the the fork in the path where they each had to head off to separate classes.

Bones appeared to be satisfied with the mostly innocent look on Jim's face and nodded at him before turning and walking away.

Jim waited just long enough for Bones to stop and turn around, without being late for his class, before he yelled out at him.

"Unless you deserve it!" Jim yelled as he himself turned and headed off to his Tactical History class. He smiled to himself as he felt the glare being directed his way.

  


\-- 17 --

  


Bones didn't get to witness the immediate results of his latest prank, but he did get to see the frown and then the glare which Jim directed his way when he finally trudged into room 356, Diplomacy for Starfleet Officers class.

Or more accurately, as he and Jim had dubbed it, _’How not to stuff up nearly 100 years of being nice to other species so we can steal their Dilithium deposits for a 'reasonable' price’_. Or it was probably more along the lines of, _’How to take your Dithilium deposits and have you say thank you in response’_. They had tried to put some of the diplomacy suggestions to use in coming up with alternative names for a class which was an ultimate snore-fest.

It was a class they both knew was necessary but unfortunately the lecturer would bore most species to death, including any Vulcans who were unlucky enough to be present.

In fact, Bones remembered one memorable lecture where he noted at least six other cadets nodding off as Lieutenant O'xbzry droned on. It was only his own experience with boring-ass lecturers which allowed him to stay awake. What Jim's excuse was he didn't know, but Jim managed to stay awake as well. Today he might not be able to.

Jim and a couple of others were almost late as they entered the room. They had all been away for the weekend on a training sim and had only returned late last night. Jim literally dropped onto his bed in the clothes he arrived back at the Barracks in and had been asleep in minutes. He had only managed to kick off his boots and socks. It was a perfect opportunity for Bones, so he quietly entered their bathroom and got the little tub of Vaseline.

Unfortunately, Bones had an early morning class at Starfleet Medical, which meant he had to get up early and head off before Jim awoke but he did get to watch Jim's toes start to wiggle and then slip against each other. Jim might have stayed asleep, but part of his mind was busy moving those toes. It was a cruel punishment, but Jim still hadn't quite learned yet where the line should be drawn in regards to the pranks. Instead, he had to rely on the look on Jim's face as he walked into the lecture and yup, Jim was not a happy little camper.

Bones smiled at Jim and indicated the spare seat next to him which he had saved, as always, for Jim. He just received a further glare, a little pursing of Jim’s lips as he pointedly looked away before he stomped over to sit in between Cadets Smith and Jones. So it was going to be like that, Bones mused to himself. He thought ‘infant’ really was a good epithet for Jim at times.

The lecture droned on and Bones spent more time staring at the back of Jim’s head than he did looking at the board. There was the little curl of hair which was getting a bit too long for regulation. It was hanging over the back of Jim's collar like a neighbor would hang over a back fence looking to share a good piece of gossip.

As the lecture finally wound up, Bones made sure to get out of his row quickly so he could catch up to Jim, who was trying to make his own quick escape from the lecture room.

"In a hurry, aren't you, Jim? You look like you need a nap," Bones said quietly as he pressed in close, waiting for their turn to exit out through the doorway. Sixty cadets and a doorway, which would only comfortably fit two people side by side in the space, meant it was slow going to get out of the room.

Jim just glared at him over his shoulder before pointedly turning and facing back to the doorway.

Bones chuckled as they moved slowly with the rest of the class, bodies bumping as everyone tried to get the best path out the door. Bones made sure he kept pressed up close to Jim. They made it out finally and Jim started to walk briskly away toward his next class. Bones jogged quickly to catch up to him.

"You going to speak, kid, or you going the mature, silent treatment route?" he asked.

"You're a fucking asshole," Jim replied.

"Play with fire, Jim, you get burned. Next time you might remember to not nose around in other people's stuff," Bones told him.

"That was ages ago," Jim protested as he stopped and stared at Bones.

"I've got a long memory and you took my kit on Friday." Bones stopped and stared right back. Neither of them seemed to care that the other cadets were having to move around them like a river bending to find a new path around any immovable rocks in its way.

"I did not..." Jim started to protest and then he shook his head. "Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to, but your kit looks just like mine."

"You shoulda checked. And _’a drowning man will clutch at straws’_ ," Bones quoted at him and then started to walk away. "We are in Starfleet, kid, everything looks the same."

It was Jim this time who ran to catch up to him. "Fine, whatever, sorry man," Jim said.

Bones just raised an eyebrow at that pathetic excuse for an apology.

"What was that shit you put on my feet?"

"You think I'm gonna tell you so you can do it back to me? Not gonna happen, Jim," Bones smiled a little as he could see the pout on Jim's face. No way was he going to let Jim know that the Vaseline made his toes rub against each other and caused him a restless night of sleep.

"Fine, I'll just have to get inventive this time," Jim warned. "We never repeat the pranks though."

"We'll see. So you going to sit next to me this time or you still being a child?"

"I need to keep an eye on you," Jim answered in his own unique way of not really answering the question. Bones just shook his head and entered the lecture room for their next Command Track class. This one was less about diplomacy and more about the tactics, as well as the systems at a Starfleet Officer's disposal to help in developing those tactics. He was sure Jim was going to be thinking about his own tactics for the next prank.

  


\-- 18 --

  


Nyota was quietly catching up on news as she flicked idly through the feeds. For once the multitude of languages that normally flowed through her head were quiet and only standard remained. However, her silence was disturbed by the door whooshing open and her roommate running in. She found her hand being grabbed and was pulled her off her bed before she even realized what was happening. 

"Gaila!" she cried as Gaila continued to tug her toward the door. Nyota planted her feet on the carpeted floor, trying to stop Gaila pulling her wherever she seemed to want to pull her. It didn't work so well, as the skin of her bare feet just slipped easily along the carpet.

"Gaila, stop!" she ordered.

Luckily, Gaila obeyed.

"I need you to come see this," Gaila said as she turned to face Nyota but she did not let go of her hand.

"Can I at least put some shoes on?" Nyota asked. Gaila glanced down to her feet and smiled.

"Sure," Gaila agreed as she finally let go of Nyota's hand. "But hurry, I don't want to miss out on the fun! Your feet are very pretty though. I like the high arch they have."

Nyota glanced up to frown at Gaila from where she was sitting on the bed as she pulled her boots back on. An Orion roommate was definitely not what she expected when she joined Starfleet, although she had hoped she wouldn’t be sharing with another Terran. She had wanted to expand her knowledge of other species, specifically their languages, and what better way was there but to live with one?

Gaila was unique in her ability to happily ignore boundaries which most people would respect, but she crossed each one with a smile on her face and it was hard to stay mad at her and her natural joy. After the first year of skirting around each other and getting used to sharing a room with a stranger, they requested to room together again the following year, and were still sharing in their third year of studies.

"I thought you were on the roster for the Computer Lab this afternoon?" Nyota asked as she did up her boots and stood.

"Orci was there, so I wasn't needed and I got let off the shift. C'mon, hurry!" Gaila motioned for Nyota to hurry up as she literally bounced up and down on her feet from where she stood by the door.

Nyota laughed as she joined Gaila and the pair of them exited out into the hallway. Gaila wended her arm with Nyota's and gently directed her briskly in the direction she obviously wanted to go.

"What do you want me to see?" Nyota asked as they walked out into the bright afternoon sunshine.

"You'll see," Gaila promised with a wicked little smile as they walked up a gentle rise in the manicured lawn. Most of the Quad was flat with paths which criss-crossed each other as they led to various lecture buildings or dorms, but in front of a few were little mounds with trees planted on them to create a barrier and possibly a more enticing living space for the students.

At the base of one of the mounds was a complete replica of one half of the sleeping area of the cadet dorm rooms. A bed, side table, desk and chair. The bed was completely made up and even from the distance Nyota and Gaila were from it, Nyota was sure it would completely pass muster with the most stringent of room inspections.

“How did they get it out there?” Nyota asked as she turned to look at Gaila.

Gaila shrugged before sitting down. “Don’t know, they are fused to the floor. I want to know whose it is.”

Nyota joined her on the grass, leaning back and allowing the sunlight dappling through the leaves above them to warm her skin.

They sat there for a few minutes, just watching the cadets walking past and going about their business. A few would stop and stare at the bed, some even brave enough to walk up to it and inspect it, but no one claimed it.

Nyota noticed Leonard walking back to his dorm, nose stuck in a PADD and other cadets getting out of his way. Without looking up he turned at the correct moment and entered his dorm hall. She smiled.

“Do you think they will get in trouble?” Gaila asked.

“With the instructors?” Nyota asked.

“Yes.”

“Probably, but I haven’t seen any as yet and we don’t know who did it,” Nyota replied.

The mystery was then solved.

“Goddammit, Jim! Get your ass back here you son of a Cardassian trader! I want my bed back in my room,” Leonard yelled, his voice carrying across the Quad and making all the cadets stop and stare in his direction.

“Oh, Jim is in trouble,” Gaila said, her eyes wide as she glanced from Leonard to the bed setting.

“Should have guessed it was him or Leonard,” Nyota said.

“How long has the prank war been going on?” Gaila asked.

“Since first year. It’s right up Kirk’s alley but I wouldn’t think it was in Leonard’s style.”

Gaila smiled one of her wicked little smiles which told Nyota she knew something that Nyota didn’t and was very happy to share with her.

“I heard the doctor started it and he has been most inventive in his pranks. Is this a human thing? Should we be having a prank war?” Gaila was now looking at Nyota curiously.

“No!” Nyota protested quickly. “It’s just a silly thing perpetrated by a child. I’m sure Kirk started it.” Nyota looked back over at the bed setting to find Leonard standing by it, hands on hips as he glared around the Quad. He pointed in a direction near the mound and Nyota noticed Jim, bent over and laughing himself silly.

Leonard started toward Jim, anger evident in each stride, until he was right in front of him. He started gesturing with his arms while he had a ‘discussion’ with Jim.

She couldn’t hear their discussion, but Jim was still laughing, although he appeared to be trying not to.

“C’mon, Gaila. The mystery has been solved, let’s go back to our room,” Nyota said as she stood up.

“Are you sure Jim won’t need help to get the bed back upstairs?” Gaila asked as she looked over toward Jim who was still getting a dressing down from Leonard.

Nyota could smell the pheromones starting to waft off of Gaila. “Oh, hell no,” Nyota whispered as she leaned down to grab Gaila by the arm and pull her upright. “I think you have a date with your suppressant,” Nyota told her.

Gaila pouted, but let Nyota drag her back toward their room. As Nyota looked at Gaila when they neared the dorm doors, she noticed Gaila was still watching the argument between Jim and Leonard.

“He got it out there without people knowing. I’m sure he can get it back in with Leonard’s help. Now, c’mon,” Nyota said, pulling Gaila through the doors to head back to their room.

  


\-- 19 --

  


Jim turned to look in Bones’ direction. He had stopped speaking with his glass stalled halfway to his lips. Jim smiled as he saw what had caught Bones’ attention, a very lovely looking woman.

“Nice choice,” Jim said, his lips close enough to Bones’ ear so he could hear what was being said. The bar was filled almost to bursting with townies and cadets alike.

“Always been a bit partial to blondes with legs which go all the way up,” Bones replied, watching the woman intently as she moved through the crowd.

“Me too,” Jim agreed. He vastly approved of the shortness of her skirt.

Bones snorted before he seemed to finally remember the position of his glass and brought it up to his lips to take a sip.

“What? You disparaging my taste in women?” Jim asked.

“Taste in women being limited to blondes with long legs? I’m not exactly sure what your standard is, but I suspect the highest priority is breathing,” Bones said, giving Jim a little look out the corner of his eyes.

“Now them’s fighting words!” Jim declared, slapping his hand on the table, causing the dregs of Jim’s beer to slosh back and forth as the glass tilted. “Whoops,” Jim said as he put both hands on the table to steady it.

Bones just laughed at him.

“C’mon old man,” Jim said.

“I have years of experience on you,” Bones pointed out as he put his hand on Jim’s shoulder.

“You were married for most of it!”

Bones just smiled a sly little smile at Jim, his lips quirking up at the corners of his mouth. “Exactly. I got one to marry me. Now you...” Bones shrugged.

“Hey!” Jim protested. But not too loudly. “Okay, so you would have to be a magician to get a woman to put up with your grumpy ass.” Jim smirked at Bones.

“Oh, I’m a magician alright. Long family tradition,” Bones said as he leaned back into the bench seat. His hand slipped off of Jim’s shoulder.

“Bullshit,” Jim declared, not believing Bones for a second.

“Bet you the next round I can prove it,” Bones said, a very smug look on his face.

“Deal,” Jim agreed, looking forward to seeing Bones try and prove magic existed. The man would have to completely contradict every previous word out of his mouth about science in order to do so. Jim was cataloguing as many of those past statements as he could to throw back in Bones’ face later.

Bones slid along the bench and stood up. “C’mon Jim, you get to be my helper.”

Jim resisted the urge to poke his tongue out at Bones, but he slid along the bench a little way and got up to stand next to Bones. “Fine Oh Great One,” Jim proclaimed. “Show me some magic!”

“This way,” Bones said as he moved through the crowd, heading for the space near the dance floor. The music was just a low hum, a club without loud throbbing music. Weirdly, that made it one of the more popular clubs in the Castro.

Jim noted a few of their classmates watching their progression through the room. Bones was now standing in a little space alone, his beer still held in hand.

“Well then, show me some magic, Dr. McCoy,” Jim declared in a loud voice as he stood opposite Bones. Jim meant to get an audience for the upcoming show, and heads did turn, people stopping to look toward them both.

“Stand here,” Bones ordered, pointing directly down at the ground in front of him.

Jim just smirked as he sauntered over to stand in front of Bones, tilting up his head a little bit.

“Turn around, Jim,” Bones said, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“I’m not seeing any proof of magic,” Jim said as he complied with the order. He smiled when he saw even more people watching them.

“This one is very simple, Jim. I can make things move without touching them,” Bones explained as he walked around Jim to stand in front of him again.

Jim knew the smirk on his face got wider as he thought of certain things he could make move without having to touch them. He opened his mouth to tell Bones that, when Bones beat him to the punch.

“Not that, dipshit. I will walk around your body three times, not touching you at all and before I complete all three walks, you will move at least a foot.”

“Have you been peeking in the shower, Bones?” Jim asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Bones rolled his eyes. “The rules are as follows.”

“Rules?” Jim asked.

“Rules. Number one, I will not touch you.”

“Yeah, you said that already.”

“Two,” Bones said as he glared at Jim for interrupting. “I won’t ask anyone else to move your body. Three. I will not use anything else to physically move your body. You will move of your own free will. Now put your arms back down at your side.” Bones turned and placed his glass on the table behind him, before turning back to check if Jim had done as he had asked.

Jim had.

Bones closed his eyes, took a deep breath and raised his hands up. He waved them about, muttering under his breath. Jim couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. Bones opened his eyes and started to walk slowly around Jim, still chanting under his breath. He kept about the same distance away from Jim as he went. He stopped when he got back to his starting position and announced, “That’s one.”

The crowd around them had gone a little quieter, and Jim could see people whispering to others further back, probably telling them what was going on.

Bones had closed his eyes, started his hand waving thingy again. He repeated the walk around and Jim just stood there, thinking Bones was going to end up looking pretty stupid in front of a lot of people he knew.

“That’s two,” Bones said.

Jim waited for him to start the hand-waving for the final time, but Bones just turned around and picked up his beer, turned back to Jim and sat down on the edge of the table. He lifted up the glass and took a sip.

Jim was confused as to what was going on.

“Jim, you can stay standing there for the rest of the night or you can move that sweet ass of yours over to the bar and buy the next round. I’m not walking around you for the third time.”

Jim laughed as he shook his head. “You fucker,” he said.

“Just think how many free drinks you can get out of it when you pull it on others,” Bones proclaimed. He smiled before draining the rest of his beer.

“You win this round,” Jim said, as he took the step toward the bar to prove that Bones was indeed a magician.

  


\-- 20 --

  


Jim laughed around the mouthful of toothpaste as he heard Bones yell out his name. Bones was in the little side area where they had a sink, a little fridge and a small cupboard, one of the perks of being final year cadets. Jim could hear items being thunked down on the cabinet.

“Busy,” Jim yelled back, then proceeded to gargle.

The door to the bathroom opened and Jim calmly looked in Bones’ direction.

“What’s this?” Bones asked angrily, waving a cup, which was shiny and coated in the cling wrap which Jim had spent most of yesterday carefully wrapping each and every item of Bones’ in the cupboard.

“Your mug,” Jim replied, rinsing out his mouth. He shook off the water from his toothbrush and put it back in the cabinet above the sink.

He went to push past Bones to go back into the main room, but Bones put an arm across the doorway.

“You wrapped everything of mine!” Bones said, his voice hissing between his clenched teeth.

“Not everything,” Jim said, winking as he pushed past Bones. “Think of it like a present. Everyone likes getting presents.”

Jim undid the towel he had wrapped around his waist and finished drying himself off, his back to the kitchen area. He heard Bones thumping the mug back down on the bench and the little snorting sound he made when he was displeased with something. Jim had just picked up his pants when he heard water running. He turned to look over his shoulder and see what Bones was up to.

“Hey!” Jim yelled as he dropped the towel to run into the kitchen space. Bones had Jim’s mug in his hand. “We have rules about sharing, remember!”

Jim ran into Bones as he grabbed for his mug. Bones’ expression showed his surprise for a fleeting moment before settling back into his normal ‘grumpy’ face, the one he wore when he hadn’t had his morning coffee yet. Bones raised his arm up, trying to keep the mug out of Jim’s reach.

“I will get you, old man,” Jim declared as he pushed Bones backward into the bench, hemming him in and holding him in place, while Jim tried to pull Bones’ arm back down. He used a full body press, while Bones leaned backwards.

They grappled for a few moments before Bones lowered his hand and let Jim take the mug back.

“Fine,” Bones said, as he pushed Jim away and walked toward the door to their room.

“Huh?” Jim asked, confused as to how he managed to win the battle so quickly. “Where you going?”

“To get a coffee,” Bones replied as he walked out the door.

“Weird,” Jim said, before shrugging and heading back to get changed.

  


\-- 21 --

  


Jim frowned as he thought about how Bones had been acting lately. He pulled out his towel, going through the automatic motions of getting ready to shower after class. Ever since the ‘wrapping’ incident, Bones had been quieter and not his normal self. It was true their course loads had increased and there _were_ positions up for grab after graduation. Jim himself had never been busier and the pressures of the upcoming Koyabashi Maru test was weighing on his mind.

Gaila had been a very welcome distraction, being fun, incredibly sexy, and Orion. She did have a little habit of talking in her sleep and Jim had learned things about her which she probably wouldn’t normally reveal to others so easily. An Orion’s life was not what people thought it was. He _did_ enjoy the feeling of another warm body in the bed next to him and Gaila was a nice pillow to burrow against.

Jim pulled his top over his head as he pondered what could have made Bones so quiet lately. He missed his friend. He missed... Jim stopped those thoughts immediately, that way lay great danger and stupidity, and although he didn’t mind those things on occasion, he always had a way out. Not this time. It could only lead to trouble.

“Really, Jim?” Moons asked.

“Hmm?” Jim responded as he looked over his shoulder at Moons.

“You’re a pretty upfront guy, but I’ve never known you to advertise quite so blatantly.”

“What?” Jim asked, even more confused than normal. Cheng had thrown him hard a couple of times into the mat, but nothing more than usual, so it wasn’t any head injury, no matter what Bones would complain about.

Now it wasn’t just Moons laughing at him. The others in the locker room had stopped what they were doing and joined in. Jim then noticed a few of them pointing at his back and chuckling behind their hands.

“What?” Jim repeated as he tried to look over his shoulder. He wasn’t very successful and it just made the others laugh more.

He stood up from the bench and angled his back so he could see it in the mirror. What he saw had him swearing under his breath at Bones, once he had figured it out.

  


‘Open all hours’ was written on his back, and there was an arrow pointing down toward his ass.

Jim marched over to the basin, grabbing his washcloth and some soap on the way. He wet the cloth and, with the soap, tried to scrub away at the writing. At least the laughter and teasing from the others had died down as they left to shower or finished changing. After a few minutes Jim gave up. Not one smudge or fading of the writing had happened. He sighed as he contemplated the next way to get Bones back. He couldn’t repeat a prank, so he would have to come up with something new to annoy the man. How on earth Bones had managed to do that without him knowing about it and it lasting most of the day also needed to be solved. It wasn’t the first time that Bones had done something while Jim was asleep, so plans needed to be put in place to prevent it happening again.

The positive about the writing was he had a date with Gaila tonight and she would get a kick out of it, and possibly add some fun memories about the message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** [Pranksters - Third Year (part a)](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/136097.html)  
>  **Beta:** dizilla and aquila_star  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Word Count:** 7,172 (overall 23,216)  
>  **Pairings/Characters:** Kirk, McCoy, OFCs, OMCs, Uhura, Gaila, Kirk/Gaila  
>  **Warnings:** bad language, innuendo, slight non-sexual bondage and a whole lot of pranks going on  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, dammit!
> 
>  **Summary:**  
>  The legendary and epic prank war of 2257-2258 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.  
>  _Leonard might not have started it, but he was damn sure gonna finish it._
> 
>  
> 
> First Year [here](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/135167.html) and at AO3 [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/386234).
> 
> Second year [here](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/135436.html) and at AO3 [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/386234/chapters/642760)
> 
>  **A/N:** A very long time ago I started on this fic, based off a prompt on the Kink meme about the idea of Kirk and McCoy pranking each other while at the Academy [here](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/379.html?thread=167547#t167547l). I didn’t use the two suggested pranks, but it is canon that McCoy was a very good prankster while at Ole Miss. I hope you enjoy!


	4. Third Year (part b)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The legendary and epic prank war of 2257-2258 by cadets Kirk and McCoy.

  


\-- 22 --

  


It had taken Jim most of the morning to get the box to balance in the correct position inside the cupboard. Bones was a creature of habit and he always went to grab a change of clothing from the cupboard before getting out of his reds. Now all Jim had to do was wait for the reaction he was after from Bones. It was a pretty mild prank in comparison to some of their normal efforts, but the benefits from Bones’ last prank most definitely outweighed the negatives.

When he heard the door opening, Jim lifted up his PADD higher to cover his face and hopefully have Bones thinking he was being a good, studious student. For all that Jim knew, he had a great poker face, but there was something about Bones which made Jim just smirk that little bit and not be able to hide his devilry.

“Jim,” Bones said as he heard Bones’ bag drop onto his bed.

“Bones,” Jim replied. He held his breath and waited for Bones to head over to the cupboard.

As he headed over toward it, Jim lowered the PADD just a fraction so he could peek over the top and see the results.

Bones was mumbling some instructions to himself while he pushed on the door to make it slide open. Bones wasn’t looking up at the top shelf, but Jim was and watched as the edge of the door slid past the box and down it tipped, scattering ping pong balls all over Bones’ head. Then the box tipped the final way over the edge and it too tumbled down onto Bones.

Jim was laughing too hard to clearly hear the insults being thrown his way.

“Ow!” Jim said, as a ball bounced off his head.

Bones had managed to get his hands on one and had pitched it at Jim. Jim’s body was still shaking with laughter though, as the box was teetering on Bones’ shoulder and Jim could see the balls rolling around the floor.

“Infant!” Bones responded, before bending over.

Jim was pretty sure what his intentions were.

Jim jumped off the bed and retreated around the other side, but not before Bones managed to throw another ball at his back. He turned to look over his shoulder and see if Bones had managed to move from his spot, but Bones was in the process of throwing another ball in his direction. Jim used the PADD in his hand to swat the ball away before heading for the kitchen area and the protection afforded by the partition.

Jim put the PADD down on the counter while he gripped the edge and tried to still his laughter. Bones’ face was hilarious though, and the way he was swiveling his body from side to side while he tried to find something Jim could only presume would be a better option to throw, replacing the ineffective ping pong balls. The box had fallen down to the ground, but Bones seemed reluctant to move from his spot.

“I didn’t put any glue down,” Jim pointed out.

“Unbelievable,” Bones muttered before continuing in a louder voice. “I don’t want to step and slip on one of these stupid balls and break my neck. You are severely lacking in medical skills.”

“Hey! I passed our emergency medical first aid with flying colors, thank you very much,” Jim countered.

“And who helped you out with that?” Bones had been looking down at the floor and he gingerly took a step forward, and then another.

Jim bit his lip as he saw the direction Bones was heading in. The other cupboard in the room.

“That would be my awesome roomie,” Jim said back, hoping to distract Bones a little bit before he opened the cupboard.

It worked. Jim doubled over and held onto his stomach while his body jolted with wracks of laughter over the look on Bones’ face. The box in the second cupboard was more successfully placed and didn’t fall out, but it did release another torrent of ping pong balls.

“For God’s sake, Jim. Do all our closets have balls in them?” Bones glared in Jim’s direction.

“Maybe,” Jim conceded, for once ignoring the mention of balls and the chance for a double entendre.

“I give up!” Bones said as he carefully stepped over the new balls and, before Jim could protest, Bones had flopped back down to lay on Jim’s bed.

“Hey!” Jim protested.

“Whatcha gonna do, princess?” Bones asked. From the upside down angle his head was at when he titled it to look in Jim’s direction, Jim could see the mocking raise of that eyebrow which had been making a regular appearance for the past three years.

“Fine,” Jim said and wandered back around the partition so he could sit back on Bones’ bed, and lifted up the PADD so he could study for real. He heard Bones pull off his boots and then drop them onto the floor before settling back down into Jim’s bed.

“Does this mean I’ve won?” Jim asked, the silence finally getting to him after a while.

“No.”

“I’m up though, eleven to ten.”

“You think some damn balls gonna slow me down?”

Jim tried to hide his laughter, but a snicker escaped and Bones retaliated by swatting at him with his pillow. Jim thought about grabbing the pillow and starting a tug-o-war, but knew there were still two other cupboards holding balls inside.

“You love me.” Jim knew the smile on his face was more a smirk than a wider smile, but Bones was too easy to rile up sometimes.

“Yeah, well,” Bones said as he tucked the pillow back behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s ten all.”

“Is not,” Jim retorted.

“The plumbing calls didn’t work and stealing my clothes and towel didn’t really work either. So ten all.”

Jim opened his mouth to protest about the stealing of the clothing being a win, but the image of Bones, naked, and walking in a manner which Gaila would call a ‘saunter’ came back to mind. Jim decided to let Bones consider that a failed prank.

Jim mused to himself that sometimes it was better to regroup before going on the attack again.

  


\-- 23 --

  


Christine accepted the drink from Fi, and, while her fellow nursing students were engaged in conversation, drinks laughingly swapped back and forth, she glanced around the room. A look over her shoulder to where the pool tables were set up had her stopping her wandering perusal to concentrate on the two men she recognized. Leonard McCoy, a doctor in the medical and command track, and his roommate, the man a lot of the cadets had opinions about, Jim Kirk.

Like Christine herself, they were in civvies, and for once Dr. McCoy’s hair wasn’t as perfect as she normally saw it. The few times they had worked on sims together she had been amazed at how perfectly neat he always was, no matter how nuts things became. It was no wonder he was so highly thought of by the instructors, and how disliked he was by the more politically minded cadets who knew a threat to their standing when they saw it.

Sometimes though, he would open his mouth and his neat and tidy appearance was overruled by the chaos that came forth. Out would come a Southern accent which made her think of home, and he could be as sarcastic and cutting as the best of them. When there was praise to be dealt out, he wasn’t stingy with it, but if you performed lower than his expectations, you sure heard about it. He was hardest on himself and it was that which made Christine determined to be at the top of the class so she could be earmarked for the _Enterprise_ , just like Dr. McCoy was rumored to be.

The newest ship, the best technology Starfleet had to offer, and being helmed by Captain Pike, Commandant of Cadets? Every cadet worth their salt wanted to be on it.

Jim Kirk was another matter entirely. He was cocky, but with charm and could back up the cockiness with ability. A few would make comments about his conquests but it was rare to hear a bad word said about him from those he had conquered. If he was as bad as some would make him out to be, then Christine was sure those would have been the first people making the complaints.

He and Dr. McCoy were as thick as thieves and had been from the start of their Academy days. Both were at the top of most of their classes. They were a conundrum, and her father had always said that Christine couldn’t resist a logic puzzle.

It was that which made her choose Nursing instead of her initial preference of Bioscience. Her mother had shaken her head once Christine had made the choice, lamenting as to why she didn’t choose Medicine, even though she had the test scores. Her father had come to her rescue once again, hushing her mother and smiling at her in understanding. Nursing meant you were at the coalface and always treating the person. A doctor would come and go. They were a necessary evil.

She blinked as her thoughts returned her to the present and the sight of one of those necessary evils leaning forward over the table with an excellent view of one of his best assets on display. Christine smiled into her drink as she took a sip to hide it. Her friends were all loudly talking over the top of each other and there were hand signals about their intentions to head toward the dance floor. She stayed twisted in her seat, facing the pool tables, and noted she wasn’t the only one admiring the fine ass of Dr. McCoy.

Fi tapped her on the shoulder and Christine shook her head at her, waving Fi off in the direction of the dance floor. The others left of their group were acquaintances and not close friends, so Christine slipped off the stool and wandered over to a space where she could watch Kirk and Dr. McCoy and not be spotted doing so.

A tall fern hid her from the main area, and there was a stool nearby which she pulled over. From her vantage point, Kirk was definitely checking out the good doctor. Christine had heard Kirk was dating an Orion in the Engineering track, but there was definitely nothing against looking in her book.

Dr. McCoy made his shot and it was good enough that it caused a groan of dismay from Kirk. The response from Dr. McCoy to Kirk’s dismay was obviously a challenge. They were standing close, very close, which made Christine think that the rumors about the two of them did seem to have some heat behind them.

Whatever Kirk was trying to cajole his way out of seemed not to be working, especially when Dr. McCoy held out his hand and, with a put upon expression, Kirk handed over some credit chips. There was no touching between them though, so Christine rethought the rumors. They were definitely close and comfortable within each other’s personal space. She herself didn’t like others to come too close. She valued her privacy, which was sorely being tested after living with another cadet for the past four years. Kirk’s face had changed as soon as Dr. McCoy looked in his direction.

She took another long sip of her cocktail, pondering this new information. Kirk had moved around the other side of the table, racking the balls up again presumably for another game. Dr. McCoy had one hip cocked as he rested against the table, and he was turned slightly so Christine got a good look at his face. Mischievous was the only word which came to mind. He spoke to Kirk, who looked up with his own smirk. Dr. McCoy’s face looked a little more serious when Kirk looked up, like a mask had descended over it, hiding the mischief away. He was up to something.

Dr. McCoy still had hold of his pool cue, it was extended out to the side so his arm was stretched out. His shirt sleeves were rolled up revealing the strong muscles on his forearms. He was a very well built man and while many within the medical track had made a play for his attention, he had kept most of his liaisons outside of those who might be a subordinate of his later.

It seemed to be a challenge of some sort that Dr. McCoy was suggesting. He had picked up the white ball and showed it to Kirk before making a motion around the table.

Kirk nodded his acceptance and found the white ball being tossed in his direction. It wasn’t too hard a throw, but from experience Christine knew it would still hurt a bit to catch a ball that solid. She got another exceptional view of Dr. McCoy’s ass when he leaned over and selected a ball from out of the triangle. He walked down to the other end and placed it close to the side. To shoot from the line it would take some skill to put it in a pocket. It wasn’t that hard, though. From the look of disbelief on Kirk’s face, he didn’t seem to think it was beyond him either. Dr. McCoy walked around the other side of the table, making Christine focus on his upper body this time, and the loping movement of his walk.

Kirk moved to collect his pool cue again but Dr. McCoy stopped him with a word and a shake of his head. He lifted up his own cue and Kirk just shrugged in response. Next, Dr. McCoy mimed his hands being cupped and looking down intently at them. When Kirk nodded, Dr. McCoy moved the rack and the other balls over to the side, presumably out of the way. With an airy wave of his hand, he motioned for Kirk to commence whatever challenge was about to happen.

Sure enough, the white cue ball was cupped in Kirk’s hand and, head down, he started to walk around the table, focusing on just watching the ball. Each step was a careful pace so as not to get too disorientated. Christine was confused as to how this would be much of a challenge, but she looked over at Dr. McCoy when she heard him tell Kirk, “Focus on the ball only, Jim. Shouldn’t be too hard for you!”

Kirk took the opportunity to keep his focus down, but he lifted up one hand to flip the bird at Dr. McCoy, who laughed before licking his thumb.

Christine didn’t understand why he licked his thumb until she saw him rub it over the top of the pool cue. The sneak was wiping off the chalk from the end of the cue! Dr. McCoy was keeping his attention solely on Kirk as he kept up the slow and careful removal of the chalk. Kirk walked around the table a total of three times and at the end of the final lap he smirked at Dr. McCoy as he held his hand out for the cue.

Christine had to slap a hand over her mouth to stop what she was sure would be revealing laughter. She also stopped a gasp escaping as she took in Dr. McCoy giving Kirk a good look over. Where Kirk had been shameless in his earlier ogling of Dr. McCoy’s ass, Dr. McCoy was using a slow and heated gaze which started at the back of Kirk’s neck and was slowly working its way down his body.

It appeared the pair of them would take any opportunity to look the other over with interest, but only when the other was not aware of the gaze. She would have pondered it further, but Kirk had just discovered that the cue slipped off the white ball, and his attempt at a shot petered out even before the white ball got two thirds of the way down the table.

“No way!” she heard Kirk proclaim loudly as he turned back to face a now smirking Dr. McCoy.

“Told ya,” Dr. McCoy replied, crossing his arms over his chest, smirk firmly in place.

“What did you do?” Kirk accused.

“Sore loser,” was the reply he received.

Kirk pointed a finger at Dr. McCoy, narrowed his eyes and then rested the cue stick on the table. He stalked around to collect the cue ball again, pointed his finger once more at a now laughing Dr. McCoy and started the whole process over, focusing on the ball. Dr. McCoy leaned forward and grabbed the stick. If Kirk noticed, he probably would have put it down to Dr. McCoy just being neighborly and making sure the stick was out of his way so he didn’t trip over it. Christine knew better.

Three laps and there was even less chalk on the head of the cue stick. This time she was better prepared for the miss, and it was a spectacular miss. The ball hardly moved as the stick slid off the ball with a snick so loud, she could hear it from where she was sitting.

Kirk was looking at the stick, perplexed. There was enough chalk still on there, and Dr. McCoy wasn’t laughing, just a very pleased smirk on his face. The smirk wasn’t wiped off when Jim grabbed the chalk that was sitting on the side of the table. He chalked up the stick and tossed it at Dr. McCoy, who caught it easily in one hand.

Again, Kirk picked up the white ball and started to walk around the table with his head down. Dr. McCoy continued to remove the chalk, but on the second walk around some movement caught Kirk’s attention and he caught Dr. McCoy in the act.

“Fucker!” Kirk exclaimed, but he had a smile on his face.

He put the ball down on the table and walked over to Dr. McCoy. Kirk grabbed the doctor’s hand and inspected the end of his fingertips. Christine held her breath to see if Kirk would glance up quick enough to notice the look of pure hunger on Dr. McCoy’s face. He didn’t.

Christine’s opportunity to watch them was almost over. Kirk wrapped an arm around the shoulders of Dr. McCoy and with some quiet words, they headed away from the table. Dr. McCoy put the cue back in the rack as they passed close enough, but Christine observed that Kirk didn’t disconnect his hold of the other man. She had turned her back to them so she wouldn’t be observed watching them. But she couldn’t resist an attempt with a sneaky little look. They walked behind her, Kirk’s arm still around Dr. McCoy and as they continued to walk away, she noticed Dr. McCoy was leaning into Kirk. Even though there was a group of people ahead of them, they could not be separated and they moved as one, twisting slightly to work through the crowd.

When they were out of her sight, she picked up her now empty glass and returned to the group, seeing that she arrived back at the table at the same time as the other half who had been on the dance floor. While the rest of the evening was amusing and fun, a nice time to let her hair down in a way, she would still wonder about the two men and if anything was going to happen with their seemingly strong attraction to each other.

  


\-- 24 --

  


An incessant buzzing had Bones turning over in his bed, pulling the cover up a little higher, all the better to attempt to ignore the sound. It didn’t work. The buzzing ceased for a moment and he relaxed, trying to lull himself back into sleep, but it started up again. With a growl, he pushed the covers down and rolled back over to glare at the comm unit.

Along with the buzzing was a little flashing light indicating an incoming message. The chrono was telling him it was 0330 and Jim’s bed was empty. His annoyance slightly dipped as he considered it could be something urgent from Jim and not just something to prevent him from getting a proper night’s sleep before Jim’s third _Kobayashi Maru_ test.

He hit the open line button on the comm unit. “Hello?”

“Let me speak to Cindy,” the voice replied.

Bones was confused. The only person in the room was him. Jim was out on a training course with his defense class.

“Who?” Bones replied, sitting up on his bed now, rubbing at his eyes before glaring at the comm unit as if answers would be forthcoming immediately.

“I said, put Cindy on the phone!” The voice was pretty demanding now.

“You’ve got the wrong number,” Bones replied. He sighed, realizing that sleep was now likely to elude him for a good while.

“Asshole, put Cindy on the phone now!”

Something about the voice was nagging at the back of Bones’ mind. He was sure he knew it. “There’s no Cindy here. You sure you don’t have the wrong number?”

“Of course I don’t have the wrong number.” The voice, which was definitely male and had a little inflection on some of the words indicating an Asian background.

Bones knew this because Jim had shown off his skills a few weeks ago one lunchtime. He had got Bones to join in his game of closing his eyes and listening to people speak and coming up with their linguistic background. They both made a few wrong calls, but one they did get right was Lieutenant Tao, a fellow cadet in Jim’s Hand to Hand class. This voice was remarkably like Tao’s.

“I know where you live! Let me talk to her.” Bones had closed his eyes, all the better to listen and there, faint in the background was a chuckle he knew almost as well as the freckles on his own face.

“Okay, okay,” Bones offered in a placating tone as he paused and tried to hear anything else in the background which would confirm that this was Jim’s idea. There wasn’t anything but his own intuition, so he went with it.

“Can she call you back? She's in the shower with my roommate.”

Bones didn’t allow a response, just broke off the communication. He sat for a moment waiting to see if he would get a call back. When a minute passed with no response, Bones smirked as he slid back down fully under the covers and attempted to reclaim his lost sleep. As his mind flitted back and forth, as it was wont to do just before sleep, he wondered if Jim would fess up tomorrow. He also wondered if this could be considered a failed prank or not? It would probably count as a successful one, Bones was woken up and he did have to reply to Tao.

  


\-- 25 --

  


Jim was tired, sore, and feeling like he was balancing on the edge of a knife. The trip back to Earth was taking longer than everyone would like. Communications from Starfleet were short and anything which was broached about the _Narada_ and the future ramifications were brushed to the side. Talk was rife amongst the ship and the presence of the remaining Vulcan High Council, who despite mostly keeping to themselves, only added to the tension. To make him feel even more on edge, there was Bones. Bones had laid out a challenge five days ago, that within the next five days he would play a big prank on Jim, who would be powerless to stop it.

The fifth day was almost over and it hadn’t come to fruition yet. Most of those days, Jim had spent thinking about what Bones could or would do. He had tried to put himself in Bones’ position, re-living the sorts of pranks which Bones had pulled and trying to see if there was any pattern to them. Jim had been teased by Sulu, and even Chekov had gotten in on the teasing, with the caution Jim was taking all over the ship. Uhura had obviously let them in on the war which had been ongoing between him and Bones since first year. A betting book had been opened up by Scotty on different options for Bones’ prank. When Bones heard about it, he just laughed, smiled at Jim, and patted Scotty on the shoulder before walking out of the Mess. Jim was adamant he had not pouted. No matter what Uhura said.

There were only a few hours left in the day and Jim was about to head to the one place where he hoped he would be ‘safe’, although the amount of pranks they had played against each other in their rooms had proved otherwise. With a deep breath, Jim coded in his access and the door opened to the room he was sharing with Bones. Pike’s room had been given over to some of the Vulcan High Command. With all the chaos from the encounter, more rooms were needed to put the wounded and the rescued Vulcans, Jim was happy to be assigned in with Bones. It was going to be strange to finally not share a room with the man when this may likely never happen again once it was all over.

Lights were down to about 20 percent, Jim noted. Enough so he could see the outline of Bones, who was lying back on his bed, PADD resting on his lap as he read from it. The glow from the PADD gave him an eerie look, emphasizing all the angles on his face.

“Bones,” Jim said as he walked across to his own bed.

Bones just grunted an acknowledgement.

Jim was about to toe off his boots when he thought to check the bed and underneath for any nasty surprises. The covers got pulled back quickly, but there was nothing he could see lurking within to give a shock. Bones had also said he wasn’t going to repeat any prank, so things were unlikely to happen to Jim while he slept. Nothing was under the bed either, but Jim called for the lights to 100 percent just to check again and be sure.

It was with hesitation Jim sat down on the bed and finally started to pull off his boots. Bones was still ignoring him and reading the PADD, which made Jim suspicious. He hated feeling this unsure. He liked to be in control, and he knew that Bones knew it too.

“Where is it?” Jim demanded, putting his hands on his knees and leaning forward.

“Hmm?” Bones asked, with an attempt at a disinterested look in Jim’s direction, before he was back to focusing on the PADD once again.

It was too much for Jim. With a step he was across the small space between their beds and had snatched the PADD out of Bones’ hands.

“Hey!” Bones protested, finally looking up at Jim.

“Goddammit, Bones!” Jim exclaimed, using Bones’ favorite expression.

“Give it back, Jim,” Bones ordered, gesturing with one hand.

Jim’s inner child, which contrary to Bones’ occasional grumble, was not always the first in line to his decision making process, came to the fore.

“Don’t wanna,” Jim said as he lifted the PADD up high in the air.

“Jim,” Bones warned and out came that eyebrow raise of his.

Jim smirked and waited to see what Bones was going to do about it.

As Jim suspected, Bones swung his legs around so one was on either side of Jim, and stood up. Jim had stepped almost right up to the bed just before, and it meant that Bones was now pretty much pressed up body on body with Jim. Jim wasn’t going to be the one to concede and back away, so he just held the PADD further back which would make it harder for Bones to get it. Bones tried to reach it, but Jim just smirked even more. There was a calculating look in Bones’ eyes, and just when Jim thought he was going to try and bring both hands up to tug on Jim’s arm, he instead found his face being cradled in Bones’ palms and then Bones was kissing him! Kissing him!

Before Jim could really fully process what was happening, Bones was no longer kissing him and was in fact back on his bed, PADD in his hands again.

Jim just stood there for a moment, a little stunned. He felt hot and flushed and totally confused, before feeling a flicker of anger at Bones using a trick like that just to get back the PADD. Jim ran a hand through his hair as he took a few steps away, then turned back and pointed an accusing finger at Bones.

“That was sneaky and underhanded!”

“Thought you would appreciate my tactical nous,” Bones replied, refusing to look at Jim.

“That wasn’t the prank?” Jim asked, sure it wasn’t, but wanting to check.

“No.”

Jim narrowed his eyes as he looked at the calm, supine position of Bones. Then something caught his eye. Bones’ hands were shaking. Tiny little shakes, but they were there if you were looking closely, and Jim had been looking closely at Bones for a very long time. It was probably why the kiss had shaken him so much. It was only this year that he had finally realized how attracted he was to Bones, but he wasn’t going to make a move unless Bones showed he was interested too. Jim never went after anyone who wasn’t attracted to him; Uhura had little body quirks which showed she was attracted to Jim on a physical level, so he wasn’t completely barking up the wrong tree there. Bones though, as much as he knew this man, he also _didn’t_ know him sometimes.

It was time to test a theory.

The PADD was just as easy to remove this time as it was the last, but instead of holding on to it, Jim tossed it onto his bed and straddled Bones’ body. He gripped Bones’ upper arms, holding him in place.

“Jim!” Bones had a look about his eyes like an animal that was trapped and trying to figure out the angles in order to escape.

The one thing Jim was sure about was that Bones wouldn’t try and buck him off. Jim could see the pulse beating at the base of his throat. It wasn’t slow. It was going at a pace similar to Jim’s own.

“You know I am sure that wasn’t the prank,” Jim said as he leaned forward, watching Bones intently.

Instead of ignoring the feel of Bones under his hands, Jim was cataloguing everything his senses were telling him. The heat and the tremble of Bones’ body, the scent which was all man and Bones. The hints of his aftershave, which was now almost faded after a full day of work, all blended with the smell unique to medical professionals.

“I said it wasn’t,” Bones said.

“You want to know the reason why?”

“I know the reason why, but you’re gonna tell me anyway, ain’t ya?” Bones complained.

“Your hands trembled,” Jim said as he leaned in really close, almost close enough to kiss Bones, noting the flare in Bones’ eyes, before he tried to hide his discomfort.

Bones’ lips were set together, refusing to give anything away, but the simple fact he did it was giving it away to Jim’s trained eye. If Bones could have the last word, he would. Holding back and not speaking, it was obvious Bones was trying to hide something.

Jim’s next move was going to be to lean back and question Bones more, to find out about the prank, but Bones was right there. Those lips were there and Jim wanted a real memory of kissing them.

They were soft and Bones inhaled slightly at the press of their lips together. Jim pressed more, wanting more, his hands sliding up to card through Bones’ hair, touch the rough stubble which adorned Bones’ cheeks, following a slow path down his neck to the base and back up again. One kiss became many slow, careful ones and with every movement Jim learned something new. At some stage Jim realized he was lying fully on Bones, who had his arms around Jim, one hand resting on the small of Jim’s back and the other around his shoulders.

“Bones,” Jim said in wonder as he slowly opened his eyes.

The nickname on his lips was enough for a soft smile to grace Bones’ own lips. “Yeah,” Bones agreed, almost only breathing the word out.

Jim opened his mouth to speak but he just didn’t know what to say. It was a new feeling for him. He closed his mouth as Bones dragged a finger down his cheek and then, even slower, making progress across Jim’s lips. He opened them just slightly, but let Bones dictate what was going to happen next. Bones rested his finger in middle of Jim’s lips, with just the slightest of pressure.

“How long?” Jim asked.

It brought Bones’ eye-line back up to Jim’s, distracting him from the intensity which he had been gazing at Jim’s lips.

“A while,” Bones replied.

Jim smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

Bones snorted.

“I totally did!”

Up went the eyebrow again. _God, Bones was sexy when he did that_ , Jim couldn’t help the thought from crossing his mind. He almost bit his lip to stop him blurting it out and giving Bones the ‘upper hand’ already.

“So, you going to tell me about the prank?”

Bones laughed as he wrapped his arms around Jim’s shoulders and pulled him down close.

Jim rolled them so they were lying on their sides, face to face.

“Well?” Jim asked.

“Why would I do that?” Bones asked, pursing his lips a little and making Jim stare at them some more.

“You do, I’ll kiss you again,” Jim promised.

A little calculating look came in Bones’ eyes. “I don’t haveta and you still will.”

“That sure of yourself?” Jim asked.

Bones pressed their lower bodies even closer together and Jim realized exactly how hard he was, and even better, how hard Bones was.

“Yup,” Bones said.

“Tease.”

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“A tease implies no follow through. In the three years you’ve known me, you think I’m not gonna follow through with a promise?” Bones asked, now looking serious.

Jim couldn’t resist and ran a hand up Bones’ back to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “You are one very thorough man. So, what’s this epic prank?”

“There is no prank,” Bones said, arching his neck a little from Jim’s ministrations.

Jim filed away the fact that Bones became quite pliant when his neck was played with, and wondered what Bones would do if he kissed that area. Then he comprehended what Bones had just said. “You said there was going to be one.”

“Well, the prank is that there is no prank.” Bones was now almost purring, and his neck was exposed, so Jim took advantage, licking and applying little nips of affection to the soft skin.

“Explain,” Jim ordered, around the attention he was giving to Bones’ neck.

“I promised myself I would end our war no matter what. You’ve been all worked up for the past five days but I was never gonna do anything. That’s the prank.”

Jim pulled back to glare at Bones. “Fucker!”

Bones rolled so he was partially on top of Jim. “If you insist...”

Jim smacked a hand onto Bones’ shoulder. “That’s totally underhanded. We are limping back to Earth, Starfleet is holding back on us about information, we have a group of Vulcans who are devastated and a crew who are mostly inexperienced having to deal with something no being even should have to, and you thought now was the time to pull something like that?”

“Jim, think.” Bones said. “If I hadn’t, what would you have been stressing about instead? You needed an outlet for your worry, so I gave you something.”

Jim thought about it. Bones was his CMO and his key role, even before the medical care of the crew, was the medical care of the Captain. Jim was Acting-Captain and Bones knew him better than anyone. “So you did that as my CMO?”

“Yes. No.” Bones corrected himself.

“Which one is it, Bones?”

“No. I did it as your friend, but it helped keep you focused on something you couldn’t change which wouldn’t worry any of the other crew, and it gave them something to laugh about.”

Jim thought about it and it was, in its own way, clever. Even if it meant that the best prank either of them pulled was to not prank the other. Jim smiled. There was one advantage, and that was the press and promise of the man above him.

“This means we are even,” Jim observed.

“True.”

“We done?” Jim asked.

“Pranks?” Bones asked in return. “I’m good. But _we_ done?” Here a very wicked smile was sent in Jim’s direction. “Hell no.”

After that it was a while before Jim needed to speak verbally again. Bones too.

\-- Fin --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** [Pranksters - Third Year (part b)](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/136361.html)  
>  **Beta:** dizilla and aquila_star  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Word Count:** 6,224 (overall 23,000)  
>  **Pairings/Characters:** Kirk/McCoy, Chapel, OMCs, OFCs, Enterprise crew (mentioned)  
>  **Warnings:** bad language, innuendo and a whole lot of pranks going on  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, dammit!
> 
>  **A/N:** A very long time ago I started on this fic, based off a prompt on the Kink meme about the idea of Kirk and McCoy pranking each other while at the Academy [here](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/379.html?thread=167547#t167547l). I didn’t use the two suggested pranks, but it is canon that McCoy was a very good prankster while at Ole Miss.
> 
> Thank you to those who have been reading along as this has been posted.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Title:** [Pranksters - First Year](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/135167.html)  
>  **Beta:** dizilla and aquila_star  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Word Count:** 4,631 (overall 23,000)  
>  **Pairings/Characters:** Kirk, McCoy, OFCs, OMCs, McCoy/OFC (hinted)  
>  **Warnings:** bad language, innuendo, public nudity and a whole lot of pranks going on  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, dammit!
> 
>  **A/N:** A very long time ago I started on this fic, based off a prompt on the Kink meme about the idea of Kirk and McCoy pranking each other while at the Academy [here](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/379.html?thread=167547#t167547l). I didn’t use the two suggested pranks, but it is canon that McCoy was a very good prankster while at Ole Miss. 
> 
> This will be updated once a week, until complete. I hope you enjoy!


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